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S.Z.Eden
January 24, 2025
Life has a way of pulling us into transitions we aren’t always ready for. I had to face two such moments back-to-back. Today, January 24th, marks the last day I had with my best friend, Luna. She had been battling congestive heart failure for some time. I was about to take her to the vet when she passed in my arms. I held her lifeless body and spoke to her with tears streaming down my face, thanking her for being the best girl ever. That moment is imprinted on my soul.
As I think back on Luna’s final rest, I can’t help but see the connection to my dad’s dog, Cosi, who also faced her own transition recently. While she didn’t pass, she was handed over to a new family. Both journeys were anything but straightforward. Luna’s decline brought endless vet visits and difficult decisions, while Cosi’s journey was complicated by online activity and public involvement. There was shame, confusion, and fear surrounding her situation, which stirred emotions in our family. Both stories ultimately led to peace in the release. That’s why I feel compelled to write this.
Cosi had lived with my dad for years, but as he got older, he struggled to care for her the way he once had. It was heartbreaking to watch, and I knew something had to change. Without telling my dad, I quietly sought help online, reaching out to people who might give her the life she deserved. Read the story here.
The process wasn’t without challenges. There was subtle tension between my dad and me as things unfolded, and the social media attention around Cosi turned into a storm. People shared opinions, asked questions, and even criticized. At one point, her story ended up on a news site. The attention brought discomfort and some shame, but it also created a path forward for Cosi.
Eventually, someone stepped up to foster her. The foster had been caring for Cosi for a little over two months, which gave her time to heal from neglect and my dad time to adjust to no longer having her at home. Yesterday, I took him to visit Cosi. We didn’t realize it would be the day.
The inevitable question arose: “Would you like to release Cosi to ____ as her new owner?”
Cosi was thriving in her foster home—healthy, clean, and deeply loved. Seeing her like that clicked something in my dad. He realized she was truly better off in her new environment. When asked if he would sign the papers to release her, he didn’t hesitate. He let her go with quiet understanding.
I stood by him, giving him the confidence to take that step. My eyes watered as I watched him say goodbye to his best friend. But there was something special about watching my dad release his pride and make such a tough decision that was necessary.
The very next day, it was my turn to release someone I loved deeply. Luna, my sweet girl of 12 years, had been my rock through so many seasons of life. She walked with me through university, giving me purpose when I felt lost. Her love carried me through dark places, and her little quirks and unwavering loyalty are forever imprinted on my heart.
Luna’s health had been declining for some time. Each vet visit brought new uncertainties and decisions, and while I knew this day would eventually come, nothing truly prepares you for the moment when it arrives.
After Luna’s heart gave out, my family’s quiet acts of love paved the way for the final release. Just as I had sought help for my dad’s dog behind his back, my parents had been helping me quietly in ways I didn’t realize. When Luna’s health started to decline, they prepared a small grave for her in the backyard without letting me know.
There is so much love in the quiet steps we take out of care, even when emotions run high. In this case, it was my dad who helped me "sign the papers", so to speak. When he finished sealing Luna’s grave with cement, it mirrored the act of signing the release papers for Cosi the day before. Both actions, though different, carried the same meaning: finality and the deep love found in letting go.
Both stories shared a common thread: preparation. For Cosi, it was the messy process of seeking help, navigating emotions, and facing public scrutiny. For Luna, it was sleepless nights, vet visits, and the heavy weight of knowing her time was near.
The preparation was uncomfortable, but it was necessary. It softened our hearts and opened our eyes to difficult truths. The middle—the part we often want to avoid—is where love shows up most honestly.
Ecclesiastes 3:1 says, “There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens.” The preparation was just as much a part of the season as the final goodbye. It reminded me that God works in the mess, refining us even as we wrestle with uncertainty and grief.
Luna gave me 12 beautiful years of unconditional love. Cosi may not have shared the same story, but her release gave her the chance to experience love and care in ways she hadn’t before.
Love lingers in the memories, the lessons, and the quiet acts of care—like my parents preparing a place for Luna or strangers stepping in to help Cosi. These moments remind me that God’s grace is present in every season.
I'm currently broken. I deeply mourn the loss of my best friend since I was 20 years old, but I’m reminded of Job’s words: “The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; may the name of the Lord be praised” (Job 1:21).
I love you forever Luna. God knows I needed you. Thank you.
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S.Z.Eden
January 8, 2025
There’s a unique tension in realizing someone has used your light, reputation, or your hard work for their own gain.
Don't get me wrong, there have been many situations in my life where I've gained positive outcomes by simply being in close proximity to others. In these cases, opportunities presented themselves and I've met wonderful people who have gone on to become some of the my greatest friends or mentors to this day. But there's something so malicious about people who craft elaborate plans in the background of how they may intentionally use your likeness or kindness for their own purposes. It consistently leaves me grappling with questions about why I allowed (or didn't see) certain things, but on the other hand, I'm just thankful that I always sleep sound at night lol.
In one instance, someone I cared for asked me to testify on their behalf during a court case of a robbery that was committed. I was young and fool, and I didn’t fully understand the weight of my involvement. The defense team leaned on my reputation as a “good girl”, college-bound, responsible, trustworthy. My mere existence became part of this person's freedom to a crime that was committed. Only since turning to God I'd realized how my likeness was used and my silence was an agreement.
There have also been situations in my business journey. One example is when a colleague strategically withheld information that my partner and I would have needed in order to make a sound decision about taking on a big commitment. Our company's legal standing and reputation worked to their advantage on an immigration level. By manipulating the situation, they secured a favorable status and gained freedom from a past situation they were in.
These two moments, though unrelated, taught me the same lesson: people are wired to seek freedom, but often they pursue it in ways that manipulate others and distort or withhold truth.
At our core, we all crave freedom, freedom from guilt, consequences, limitations, or anything that feels like a constraint. This longing isn’t inherently wrong. In fact, it’s a reflection of our design, but sin has warped how we seek it. People often reach for shortcuts.
Manipulation becomes a tool for borrowed freedom: using someone else’s light to "escape" consequences or gain approval. But here’s the truth that set me free from the bitterness of these experiences: Their motives are not my burden to carry.
It’s easy to grow bitter when someone uses you, to feel like their actions have diminished your worth or stolen something from you. But the more I’ve reflected, the more I’ve realized this: my light isn’t something anyone can take, it literally comes from God and is in abundance!
When someone borrows your light, it’s not your job to police their motives. That’s God’s territory. God sees the bigger picture, and He will deal with hearts as He sees fit. Your role is to keep shining, to remain faithful, and to trust that God can redeem any situation, even one marked by manipulation.
True freedom—the kind that actually lasts—is found in Christ. He offers freedom that isn’t borrowed or earned but freely given. It’s a freedom that doesn’t depend on manipulating others or controlling outcomes. It’s a freedom rooted in grace, forgiveness, and the unshakable love of God.
Your light is a gift from God, and it’s meant to shine, regardless of how others choose to respond to it.
Reflection Questions:
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S.Z.Eden
December 24, 2024
When I booked my three-day solo staycation, I was craving silence. I needed space to clear my mind and let God speak. But as soon as I got to my hotel room, silence seemed out of reach. The kids next door were LOUD. Laughing, crying, running. My first thought was Really? I considered asking for a new room. But then I thought about the inconvenience of moving—especially since I also had my dogs—and decided to stay. I decided that another family’s existence shouldn't be treated as a burden.
The next morning, the normal family noises shifted. Through the thin walls, I overheard a heated argument. A mother, with a voice trembling under the weight of years of frustration, was standing up to her mother-in-law. I didn’t need more context to know she was hurting. I heard it in her voice, the pain, the exhaustion, and the courage it took to speak up. But her mother-in-law’s responses were sharp, dismissive, and relentless, shifting the blame with every word. The argument grew more heated until I heard the young mother leave the room with her children, likely needing air and space to breathe.
I sat there, heart heavy, praying for this family while listening to the husband speak to his mother before he went out to his wife. Culturally, in the Caribbean, we’re often taught to mind our business, and we’re encouraged to stay out of things that don’t directly concern us. Yet, this same cultural 'restraint' is where gossip often takes flight.
But in Christ things are different. We’re called to bear one another’s burdens (Galatians 6:2) and to let the Holy Spirit guide us, even if it feels out of bounds. God was nudging me to act. I just could not shake it.
I messaged my friend Olivia. I told her what I had overheard and the weight I felt on my heart. I said I felt the need to speak to the mom, I just didn't know how. Her advice was simple:
“Pray and then just say, ‘Hey, I didn’t mean to overhear you, but I wanted to say I’m sorry for what you went through. I’m proud of you for using your voice."
It gave me the boost I needed. I thanked her for her encouragement, and I thank God for her beautiful soul!
I saw the mom by the beach. While walking up to her I started to pray for the right words and courage. She was sitting alone. I walked towards her and my voice trembled, “I’m so sorry for what you've been through. I didn’t mean to overhear, but I wanted to tell you how proud I am of you for speaking up.”
As I spoke tears welled up. She started crying too and thanked me for saying that. She began to share more with me. Her husband had recently lost his father, the man who had always kept his mother in check if she over-stepped her boundaries. The dynamics have shifted without him, and her mother-in-law’s criticisms had grown sharper and more frequent. She comes from a family that isn't as involved in each other's family life, a complete cultural shock from the Jamaican family she married into. She admitted how hard it was to feel supported as a wife and mother when she was constantly under scrutiny. She had lost their babies in the past through miscarriage, she was sitting out there on the beach with a broken foot, it's just clearly so much to bear and she was so so tired. I could tell she was not heard emotionally, even if her mother in law provided physical support with the kids.
I told her: “After you left the room, your husband stood up for you, too. He challenged his mom. I know it might not always feel like it, but he’s trying.”
Her tears fell harder. She said she needed that reassurance. She often feels like he doesn't stand up for her. I said I can imagine in the heat of it all it wouldn't feel that way, but he's learning. We talked about grace for her husband as he also finds his voice in this new dynamic as the adult male in his mother's life. Grace for herself as she navigates motherhood and family tension. And yes, even grace for her mother-in-law, whose grief is likely still fresh. I assured her that everything will be just fine. I told her during my stay I've seen her beautiful kids enjoying the beach, reading, laughing, and that she's a wonderful mother. And again, everything will be okay.
By the end of our conversation, we hugged and wished each other well. I apologized once again for overhearing, but she said no need, and thanked me for coming to her.
It would have been easier to stay in my lane, to avoid what seemed like someone else’s problem. But like the Samaritan who stepped into someone else’s pain, we’re called to show compassion for those hurting.
We’re also called to encourage one another and build each other up (1 Thessalonians 5:11). This isn’t limited to people in our inner circle or situations where it feels comfortable. Sometimes God places us in the right place at the right time to be His hands, His voice, and His heart for someone in need.
God doesn’t always meet us in the stillness. Sometimes, He speaks through the cries next door, the conversations we didn’t mean to overhear, and the nudge to simply say, “I see you, and I’m proud of you.”
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Prayer for the Family Next Door
Heavenly Father,
Thank You for the divine way You place us in the right moments and the right spaces to reflect Your love. Tonight, I lift up the family I encountered. You know their struggles, their pain, and the weight they are carrying. Lord, I ask for Your healing and peace to flow through their lives.
For the mother, I pray for strength. Give her wisdom and grace as she navigates the challenges of raising her children and handling criticism. Remind her that she is seen, loved, and supported by You, even when she feels isolated. Let her feel affirmed in her role as a mother and wife, knowing she is doing a beautiful job in Your eyes.
For the father, I ask that You give him courage to stand up in love and unity. Help him find his voice and lead with kindness and strength as he grows into his role as a peacemaker in their family. Let him know that his efforts are not in vain and that his love for his wife and children will bring healing.
For the children, I ask that You surround them with joy and protection. Keep their laughter abundant, even in times of tension, and let them feel secure in the love of their parents.
And for the mother-in-law, I ask for healing and softened hearts. Lord, You know her pain, her grief, and the reasons behind her criticisms. Speak to her spirit and guide her to a place of compassion and understanding. Help her see the beauty in her family and bring peace into their interactions.
Father, I ask for Your presence to dwell in their home and relationships. Bring restoration where there is brokenness and unity where there is division. Let them feel the fullness of Your love and grace in their lives, and guide them to navigate this season with patience and hope.
Thank You, Lord, for allowing me to speak love. Use my words and prayers as seeds of encouragement that You will water in Your perfect timing.
In Jesus’ name, I pray,
Amen.
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S.Z.Eden
December 15, 2024
Matthew 20:1-16
Imagine it’s a Saturday, and you’re doing a big fundraiser with a group of volunteers. Some people show up early, at 8am, ready to go. They unload boxes, set up tables, and work in the heat.
By lunchtime, a few more join in. They help with some tasks, but the hard part’s already done. Then, just before cleanup when the work is nearly finished, more people show up. They grab a broom for five minutes, snap a group photo, and stand in line for the same thank-you gift as everyone else.
If you were one of the early volunteers you'd likely feel frustrated. That’s what happens in this parable. The landowner starts seeking workers for his vineyard at dawn, then goes out again at 9am, noon, 3pm, and even 5pm, just an hour before the workday ends. At sunset, he lines them up to pay them all the same wage. The first workers grumble because, by their calculation, it’s not fair.
But the landowner replies:
“Friend, I am doing you no wrong… Are you envious because I am generous? Didn’t you agree to work for a denarius? 14 Take your pay and go. I want to give the one who was hired last the same as I gave you. 15 Don’t I have the right to do what I want with my own money? Or are you envious because I am generous?’"
This parable isn’t about fairness. It’s about grace and how hard it is for us to truly embrace it.
The early workers were ready for the day, bright and early in the marketplace. They agreed to the day’s wage and went to the vineyard without hesitation. By the end of the day, they measured their worth by comparison. They saw others receiving the same reward and grew resentful.
How often do we do the same? Maybe it’s in the workplace, watching someone who joined later get recognition. Or in faith, comparing our sacrifices to those who seem to live carefree but still receive God’s blessings. It’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking, “I’ve done more, so I deserve more.”
Then there are the 5pm workers with only one hour of the workday remaining. Why were they even standing around so late in the day seeking to work? Maybe they were originally overlooked. Maybe they committed to other things in the earlier part of their day (..or life..), but the point is they showed up regardless of the time and willing to work.
When the landowner came, they likely didn’t expect much. The landowner didn't tell them he'd give them anything specific like he did to the early workers. They simply said yes and trusted the landowner to give them "whatever was right." (v.4). Not knowing exactly what they'd receive didn't stop them from going.
This willingness is key.
It’s like the difference between someone who expects to get hired because of their résumé and someone who’s grateful just for the opportunity to be in the room. Readiness can lead to pride when it’s rooted in effort. Willingness, on the other hand, opens the door to grace.
One of the most beautiful parts of this parable is the landowner’s persistence. He doesn’t just hire workers at dawn and call it a day. He keeps going back. It also shows us that this vineyard is massive, and there's space for us all.
This is the heart of God. He seeks us out, again and again. Whether you’ve been faithful for years or feel like you’ve missed every opportunity, His invitation is the same: “You also go into my vineyard” (v. 7).
We love the idea of unearned mercy when it applies to us, but when it’s extended to others, especially those we think “don’t deserve it”, people who have done us or others wrong or evil... yep, even they are eligible to receive God's grace.
Comparison is a thief of joy, and entitlement is its partner-in-crime. Isn't it interesting they complained about something they agreed to? We do this all the time. The early workers saw their agreement as unjust only when they measured it against others.
The irony is, we’re all those last-hour workers. In the grand scope of eternity, our earthly efforts pale in comparison to God’s perfect work through Jesus. This parable reveals God’s heart: His grace is for all, whether you’ve followed Him for a lifetime or found Him moments ago. We do know that there are crowns to be received in Heaven, but check your pride at the door because the Lord detests the proud. Proverbs 16:5.
If God is the landowner, He has full authority over what He gives. And He gives freely. As Psalm 24:1 declares:
“The earth is the Lord’s, and everything in it, the world, and all who live in it.”
When we remember that all blessings are His to distribute, our entitlement fades. Gratitude takes its place. Rather than grumbling about what God has done for others, we can rejoice because His generosity never robs us, it only reflects His character.
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S.Z.Eden
November 29, 2024
For a while, I’ve been feeling so helpless and heartbroken over my family's dog. She was stuck in a cage, drinking from mossy water pots, eating leftover scraps—mostly bones. Her skin is mangy, and she’s infested with fleas. I had helped by feeding her kibble from my own dogs, but really that wasn't enough and I knew she needed real help. I am hardly at the house, so it's when I see the dog that I'm reminded of her living conditions. One day I went to the back and saw her bones starting to poke out. My heart completely broke for her!💔
I had spoken to my family for months about the issue, but it fell on deaf ears. This specific day, I felt led to do something I had never done. I took it to the internet. The nudge in my heart was too intense for me to allow the neglect to continue. I shared some photos and asked if anyone could take her in to give her a chance at a new life. I didn't know if anyone would even respond, but the outreach blew my mind.
The response was overwhelming. Many women reached out—not to take the dog, but to still help however they could. They brought food, got a new stainless steel bowl and even offered to clean her space. They showed up with practical love and generosity that left me stunned.
Kindness, especially when unexpected, has the power to spark intospection and inspire change. It’s like holding up a mirror, showing someone what’s possible and gently nudging them toward better. Through this experience, I realized I had confined my efforts, not remembering there were other aspects where I could have made a difference for the dog. Sometimes we're just so blinded by being so close to it, that we don't even realize we have the power to shift something beyond what we perceive our limits are. That's where community comes in. Seeing how others stepped in with their unique strengths was a powerful reminder that, as the body of Christ, we each have a role to play in bringing love and care to the world.
One lady, for example, reached out to specific organizations by forwarding the post I made. Another shared it on a specific Facebook page known for supportive members. Through their simple acts, even more people reached out. Each small act, when combined, creates a ripple that grows into something much larger than we could accomplish alone.
The other side of the coin was the shame this situation brought once certain family members saw the outreach efforts and other people's help from the outside in. People do not like to face the truth of dysfunction. They only see the "embarassment" or they speak fear about the situation. I received my fair share of backlash for seeking help, but in my heart I knew what was best. The dog tested positive for heartworm, and a host of so many other issues. As much as we might have the best intentions for the things we care about, sometimes knowing when it's time to accept help or having the courage to let go is the most loving thing you can do.
How do we confront the brokenness around us? In a lot of ways, I've often felt like her, overlooked and neglected. My sweet sister in Christ, Olivia, pointed out to me that this was symbolic, a powerful act in seeking help for the wounded child in me. Whether it’s an abused dog, a struggling neighbor, or systemic injustices. It’s easy to feel overwhelmed by the endless needs in the world, but we often forget that small, intentional actions have the power to transform a whole life. How can we move beyond playing church and truly be the church?
Sometimes all we can do is sound the alarm, or at least that's all we think we can do in an overwhelming situation. And yet, even that alone can create a ripple effect. Some are gifted in serving with practical help, others in offering wisdom, encouragement, or resources, as each one uses their God-given gifts to build up the body of Christ. (Romans 12:6-8). Together, we form an unstoppable force of restoration. The real tragedy lies in doing nothing at all.
I am praying that this sweet girl finds her forever home soon, and I thank those who have stepped in with kindness and generosity along the way. May the Lord bless those who have offered their help and stirred change with their acts of love.
Heavenly Father,
Thank You for the gift of kindness and the power it has to transform hearts and situations. Thank You for the community You’ve placed around us, for those who step in with generosity, wisdom, and love, even when they don’t have to. Help us to be mindful of the brokenness in our world and give us the courage to act, no matter how small our efforts may seem.
Father, we ask that You give us Your heart, help us to feel the things You feel, to hurt for the things that break Your heart. Let Your compassion move us to action, that we may be Your hands and feet in a world that desperately needs Your love. Teach us to step beyond complacency and reflect Your heart in how we care for others, both people and creatures alike. Use us, Lord, to bring Your restoration, Your love, and Your hope into every situation we encounter.
In Jesus’ name, we pray.
Amen.
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S.Z.Eden
November 19, 2024
Growing up in a Cuban family, like most Caribbean households, food was everything. The kitchen was the heart of our home, where pots simmered, and the sizzle of onions and garlic in oil was as familiar as the sound of our own voices. My mother made cooking an art form, a way of loving us that didn’t require words. If she fed you, she loved you. That was the unspoken rule, a tradition passed down like recipes written in memories instead of on paper.
But love in our house was always tangled with duty, and as the years went on, my mother’s meals became wrapped in something heavier. The same kitchen that once felt warm and comforting now holds a great tension. Frustration has seeped into her cooking, leaving behind flavors of unspoken resentment.
Last night was one of those nights. I was working late on my laptop in her living room, when she appeared from the kitchen carrying a lovely plate of fried fish. I was prepared to fast for the night, but she surprised me! While she handed it over I smiled and did a little happy dance, singing “Thank youuuuu,”. My voice was full and bright, hoping she could feel my genuine appreciation.
For a moment, she was pleased, a small smile broke through. But the warmth faded just as quickly. She shut down the moment with her signature dish: criticism. Her voice, sharper than any knife she could have used, cut through: “How do you not feel guilty?” she asked me in Spanish. Different language, same sting. She walked away shaking her head at me.
I paused, confused, as the joy slipped away. The guilt she insisted I should feel was over the laundry I hadn’t moved from the washer to the dryer yet. She had done it for me, adding the plate of food to the tally, piling up these tasks as proof that she carries it all while I just "dilly-dally"🤪.
My slowness has always triggered her. She grew up in a family where her siblings were beaten in front of each other if things weren’t done quickly or perfectly enough. And yet here I am, rebelling, by taking my time. Should I just fall in line? Her father made them line up by their beds each morning, ensuring it was spread well, then out to the fields they went. They were just children!!! I try to help her talk through her past, so she can process it and not bubble the pot over and burn me. Little by little I learn more. I know that she was the only one that stood up to her father, so when I don't stand for the manipulative tactics dished out, shouldn't she feel proud?
Too often, in Caribbean homes, love and resentment get served on the same platter. So I set the fork down. This meal is seasoned with guilt and expectations I can’t meet. I told her I couldn't eat it, the perfect opportunity for a conversation, but instead she went to her room to pray. Will this prayer be the one that brings about relational change, or will I find another plate of food in front of me tomorrow, her silent way of calling a truce? In a Caribbean home, the food is the apology. But at some point, love needs more than a plate—it needs words. The kind that heal, the kind that don’t just simmer under the surface but is spoken aloud, bridging the gaps that food alone can’t fill. There's still work to be done.
I don’t have all the answers. So, I just keep praying, too. I ask God to take this plate from me. To teach her to rest, to teach me to let go of guilt that doesn’t belong to me. I believe that pain can be seasoned with grace until it becomes a meal that feeds the soul, something sweet to the taste. Thank you, God, for my mama.
If this resonates, ensure to speak genuinely from your own heart and continue the conversation in your own words.
Heavenly Father,
You are the Great Redeemer, the One who transforms pain into grace. I lift up both my heart and my mother’s to You. Season our struggles with Your grace and bring healing where wounds run deep. Lord, Your Word says, “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds” (Psalm 147:3). I ask that You fulfill this promise in our lives. Help her find rest from the burdens she’s carried for so long, and teach me to release the guilt that was never mine to bear. Fill our relationship with Your love, a love that feeds the soul and brings true peace. May Your hand guide us toward understanding and wholeness. Thank You for holding us and loving us with a steadfast, unfailing love.
In Jesus’ name,
Amen.
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S.Z.Eden
November 17, 2024
The other day, Bruce was coming to pick me up, and he took a little longer than usual. Then I got a voice note from him saying, “I’m taking a video of a hermit crab at the top of your road. I think you could write a blog about this.” He knows me so wellll and knows the little things that fascinate me LOL🤣. I really do love exploring the interconnections between our life, nature, and faith in God.
So this little crab was scuttling along with a chunk of plastic pipe for a shell. It’s not every day you see a piece of pipe moving around. By the time I got there, the crab had made it safely to the grass, out of the way of passing cars.
Hermit crabs are fascinating little creatures. They don’t have their own protective shells, so they get creative and use whatever they can find to shield their soft, vulnerable bodies. We can learn a lot from them, especially when it comes to growing, adapting, and making room for others BY RELEASING something we have.
Hermit crabs are always growing, which means they constantly need bigger shells. When the time comes to upgrade, they sometimes form these “vacancy chains” with other crabs, lining up in size order so that each crab can move into a slightly larger shell. When they do it in this way, it becomes a whole crabby community real estate event lol. In this short BBC video, sometimes a crab might not get what they're looking for, but "it's better for it to have something than be homeless", as the narrator states.
Imagine if we all approached life like that. Some tribes and communities do, but it should be the norm. Philippians 2:4 encourages us to “look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.” Hermit crabs operate in a way that keeps the whole community thriving, all because they know when it's time to release what no longer fits, and receive what does, from others.
But life isn’t always that simple. Sometimes, the right shells are in short supply, and hermit crabs have to improvise. They use plastic, bottle caps, driftwood, or even broken bits of glass as temporary homes. They can be heavy or leave parts of the crab exposed—but they get the job done when there’s nothing else.
We’ve all been there, no? We all have times when we're using any makeshift shells we can find. Maybe it’s a job that pays the bills but doesn’t fulfill us, sometimes we can't afford to even have decent meals in a particular season, or maybe we're sleeping on someone's couch until we get back on our feet. These aren’t meant to be permanent solutions, but they can help us survive the moment. Philippians 4:12 speaks to this, when Paul was in prison: “I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty.” It’s about learning to be content with what we have, even when it’s far from ideal, and trusting that God will provide in His time.
When the hermit crab looks out for itself, it's not carrying its old shell with it as well. It just so happens to bless another in the process. In our case, when we hoard, over-consume, or deny others opportunities, we disrupt this natural flow. We shift the balance of supply and demand, leaving others without in ways that can be drastic. It’s visible everywhere—from stock markets to real estate and beyond. Our individualistic society often pushes us to think only of our own needs, more like crabs in a bucket. But true community means looking out for one another.
And remember, generosity isn’t just about giving what we don’t need or only when we have plenty to spare. Sometimes, it’s about giving even when we’re NOT in abundance. It’s about sharing from what we have, even if it means letting go of comfort or convenience. Because when we give in times of scarcity, that’s when our impact is often most profound [SEE LUKE 21:1-4 - The Widow’s Offering].
Don’t just let go of what’s outlived its purpose. When someone is in need, let go of what still fits you well. God will fill the gaps. So take what you need, leave what you can, even if what you can is all that you have.
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S.Z.Eden
November 11, 2024
Luna, my little bundle of joy covered in fur, has a heart condition—congestive heart failure with a level 5 murmur🥺. Every day, she needs medicine to keep her heart steady. My mom, with her overpowering presence, has to watch Luna for me sometimes and administer said medicine. She kneels down to give it, but Luna won’t even look at her. She turns away, suspicious and afraid, completely avoiding the outstretched palm that holds the medicine for her heart. It's always a fight.
And in that scenario, I see a glimpse of us all: our hearts in need of healing yet distant to the one who extends His hand to us. We are not so different from Luna with her weak heart. In our case, we have hearts that are weary from carrying the weight of past betrayals, disappointments, and seemingly unanswered prayers. God, the Great Physician, stands before us with hands outstretched, offering what is necessary for our healing in the correct measure (or dose) we require. Sometimes, His presence alone is the cure. Yet, like Luna, we sometimes turn away, questioning the Giver, unsure if His intentions are truly good. We’ve heard that He is a God of love, but our hearts hesitate, haunted by the hurts from people meant to love, protect or guide us. We mistakenly and unconsciously project these experiences onto God. We think, how could He really love us?
But Luna will quickly swallow the medicine when I give it to her. Why? Because we have a relationship. She trusts me and believes that what I give her is good, even if she doesn’t fully understand what the medicine does. It’s the bond we’ve built over time and her surrendered trust that make this possible, and because of it, her little doggy life is extended.
🌻 How would we receive (even more) from God, if we haven't nurtured our relationship with Him, or surrendered fully to what He says is good?
Someone might think, “Well, that statement isn’t true, because we received everlasting life through Jesus, not our own works.” And that’s correct. Salvation is entirely a gift of grace, made possible through Jesus’ sacrifice, not by anything we could earn (Ephesians 2:8-9). But it was still through the relationship between God and Jesus that we could receive this incredible gift.
Jesus speaks of this deeper intimacy when He tells His disciples, “I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends…” (John 15:15). This friendship was formed through their time spent together, through shared experiences and their obedience. And just as Jesus invited His disciples into a deeper relationship, He invites us, too.
Others might wonder, “If God loves me so much, why doesn’t He try to build a relationship with me?” But here’s the beautiful truth, a little louder for those in the back: He has. Even before we thought to seek Him, God pursued us first. Romans 5:8. He reached out before we ever knew to respond. The Creator of the universe doesn’t need us, yet He wants us. That says everything about the depth of His love and His relentless pursuit of a relationship with us. He has much more to offer than we can ever imagine. It's our pains in this world that blinds us from that spiritual truth.
His hands, scarred from sacrifice, have always been extended toward us, offering healing and hope. Yet we are the ones who pull back, driven by an instinct for self-preservation that ironically keeps us from the One who can truly heal us. Proverbs 3:5 calls us into a deeper trust: “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.” Yes, with all our heart. It’s a call to release fears and distorted perceptions, to embrace the truth of God’s character, and to fully receive the good He longs to give us. Everything else will fall into place.
Unlike Luna, who relies on her canine instincts, we can CHOOSE to bypass those fears that disguise themselves as instincts. If something contradicts God’s truth, it's a whole lie. We can CHOOSE to see God rightly, to lean into a relationship with Him, even when it feels like a wrestling match. We can CHOOSE to take His medicine for our hearts, without turning away from the love He’s been GIVING since the beginning.
So let’s not misread the heart of the Giver. Because the medicine He offers is precisely what our hearts need.
A Prayer for Trusting the Hand of the Healer
If this resonates, pray from your heart, speak in your own words. God bless you
Heavenly Father,
You are the Great Healer, the One who holds my heart in Your steady and loving hands. I confess that, like Luna, I may turn away, afraid, uncertain, and questioning Your goodness. Forgive me for the times I’ve doubted You, for the ways I’ve tried to guard myself instead of resting in Your embrace.
Help me to see You rightly, to know Your heart of love, and to trust that what You offer is for my healing and wholeness. Cultivate in me a deeper relationship with You, one where I learn to receive from Your outstretched hands without hesitation. Thank You for pursuing me even when I didn’t seek You first, for loving me with a love that never fails.
Teach me to surrender my fears and embrace Your grace. Make my heart whole in Your presence, and remind me that Your hands are the safest place for my soul.
In Jesus’ name,
Amen.
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S.Z.Eden
November 11, 2024
Truth. A five-letter word that seems so simple yet sparks turmoil and discomfort. It’s the one thing everyone claims to desire but many fear to confront.
Imagine a crowd buzzing with grief. Lazarus, a well-known man, has been dead for four days. In those times, his funeral would have been complete with professional mourners whose wailing echoes through the town. The more wealth a person had, the larger and louder the mourning. The evidence of Lazarus' death would have been overwhelming.
Then, in an event no one believed possible, Jesus walked up and called Lazarus out of the tomb. Four days after his death, when decay should have already set in, Lazarus walked out alive, wrapped in grave clothes. Freshly resurrected, a walking miracle. People who witnessed or heard of his return from the grave were amazed and moved, many choosing to believe in Jesus because of it. It was so powerful that even skeptics couldn’t argue with what had happened (this is why testimonies are so important!). But in the halls of power (the Sanhedrin), they were seething. A man has been brought to life, and they did not celebrate it (can you imagine? I see why Jesus was always on their necks for their hypocrisy) The Pharisees and Sadducees were desperate to stop the spread of Jesus’ influence. They stirred up deadly plots. The religious leaders of that time, infuriated by the mass exodus of followers defecting from their earthly influence, decided that they needed to silence this living testimony. In addition to Jesus, they even plotted to kill Lazarus (John 12:9-11).
Imagine people wanting you gone because you're alive! Well... there's no need to imagine, that's the reality of those who walk in truth, to this day!
Now, we don’t know if they ever succeeded in carrying out this plot for Lazarus, the Scriptures don’t tell us that. But what is clear is this: When you walk in truth (especially a truth that brings glory to God) you WILL face opposition. It’s a reminder that the enemy of our souls will stop at nothing to quash those who testify to God’s power and grace. Lazarus’ mere existence was a threat. And the religious leaders were already threatened by the way Jesus would criticize them in front of others. Jesus turned everything upside down, and the truth He spoke brought many to faith while infuriating those who loved their power and control more than God’s Word.
What is it about truth that can make people want to run, hide, or even snuff it out?
Jesus declared, “And you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free” (John 8:32). It lifts the veil, allowing us to see things as they truly are. But many flee from it because it cuts deep. It can separate us from relationships, institutions, or systems we once trusted. Remember Pontius Pilate's fateful question, “What is truth?” (John 18:38). The irony is thick. He asked this question while standing in front of Jesus, Truth incarnate. But Pilate, unwilling to confront what that truth meant for his own power, washed his hands of the matter.
Sometimes, we avoid difficult conversations because we fear rejection. Other times, we hold tightly to false narratives that protect our ego. Social media, with its curated realities, often magnifies our desire to shape and escape from uncomfortable truths. Yet, we’re also drawn to stories that resonate with authenticity. Think about why testimony videos go viral or why people are moved by vulnerability. The truth, in its raw, unpolished form, can captivate us.
The story of Lazarus is more than just a miraculous event; it’s a vivid illustration of the power of truth. It shows us that when we stand in the light, there will be resistance. When you choose to walk in truth, your testimony (& existence) is a threat. It disrupts the status quo or challenges deeply held beliefs. Spiritual attacks are inevitable. But take heart. Jesus has already overcome the world (John 16:33). Paul writes, “For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind” (2 Timothy 1:7). For us, walking in truth may come with a cost, yet, it’s precisely in those moments of consequence that God’s power is made perfect in our weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9).
Jesus Himself faced the ultimate consequence for truth, standing boldly before Pilate, the crowds, and the cross. He knew the cost but chose obedience to the Father’s will. And because He was faithful, we have the hope of eternal life.
Let your testimony, like Lazarus’, bring others to faith, and trust that the consequences of truth are always worth the freedom and glory it brings.
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S.Z.Eden
October 21, 2024
Last weekend, I attended a cultural dance show in Cayman, expecting an evening of vibrant celebration. However, before the performances began, the atmosphere took an unexpected turn. A woman stepped onto the stage to welcome everyone and set the "intention" for the evening. She had a table laid out with symbolic elements—water, candles, plants, and crystals representing different natural forces. She claimed how we all worship the same God, just by different name, and then invited the audience to join in an "interactive" session of calling out the names of ancestors to honour them.
As she poured water into a larger glass, she felt led to mention that this act was harmless and not demonic. She stated that people have stripped these practices away from us to take away our power & freedom. What was supposed to be a family-friendly event had become a ritual, opening doors that most may not fully understand. For those who are grounded and covered, this may have little to no effect, but for others, especially children—it could lead them down a path of curiosity and confusion.
In my early 20s I was drawn to crystals, astrology and moon rituals. They felt peaceful and empowering during my toughest times. I would write down my intentions, light it under the moonlight to release my limiting beliefs and those who had hurt me into the wind. As John Bevere put it, "An offended heart is a breeding ground for deception". It's the positive language in these practices that makes it feel harmless, especially since a lot of it is centered around forgiveness and love. It basically is the same as praying to an unknown god, or basically seeing yourself as a god. Fortunately for me, every time I engaged in these rituals, I would close my writings with the name of Jesus. I wasn’t sure why I did that, especially since I didn't have a relationship with Jesus then. Maybe my conscience was protecting me from fully diving into muddy waters. Though I don't condone mixing spiritual practices like I did then, I do believe God protected me while I was in total ignorance. I didn't follow the step-by-step instructions or wording used by the online spiritual guides providing the information. My skepticism is what kept me from fully complying. Compliance forms agreements. and my reluctance to fully engage was my saving grace. I urge you to also be discerning with spiritual teachers with a stage, regardless of what they claim to believe in. We are called to test the spirits. This is why it hurt me deeply to hear the audience calling out their loved ones' names so casually at this show. They didn't even bat an eye to this unknown person leading this ritual. I just envisioned an enmeshment of different spirits swirling around the room, flying out from different mouths and straight into this water. It was extremely irresponsible. Casual compliance is exactly what the enemy wants from us. If you have engaged in practices without understanding their true nature, it’s not too late to renounce them and cancel those agreements. Opening specific doors might not even be the thing that affects you, but it can affect your bloodline down the line.
Side note: One of the most tragic stories I encountered this year involves a lady I followed between 2014-2015. She was a prominent figure in the new age movement, guiding many through these moon rituals that promised peace, prosperity, and empowerment. This year, in April, she took her own life and that of her family during what is described as a psychotic episode. She had fallen so deeply into spiritual deception, and after years of being “blessed” by it, the enemy came to collect. I witnessed her journey—from her rise in popularity to her mental downfall and tragic death. It was heartbreaking, but this is exactly the reality of the kingdom of darkness, no matter how much love and light it presents itself as.
I share these experiences not from a place of judgment, but from a place of understanding. I’ve been drawn by the same search for meaning and healing. I've also taught others what I was learning back then, believing it was the right path (I "saw" that it was good). That’s why I’m open about my repentance throughout this blog and why I speak so passionately about the dangers of unknowingly leading others astray. Jesus warned in Matthew 15:14, “They are blind guides. And if the blind lead the blind, both will fall into a pit.” When you hold a position of influence or a platform, you carry a serious responsibility to guide others with wisdom and integrity. Yet, many overlook this, focusing more on gaining influence than on the responsibility it demands.
The Bible does encourage us to remember our past and learn from it. Deuteronomy 32:7 says, “Remember the days of old; consider the years of many generations. Ask your father, and he will show you; your elders, and they will tell you.” There is wisdom in reflecting on where we come from, understanding the experiences of those who came before us. But there’s a difference between respect and invoking our ancestors through rituals. When we begin to seek something from our ancestors, we are stepping into a spiritual grey area that God has explicitly warned us about, one that can easily deceive us into believing we're communicating with a loved one, when it's something merely masquerading as such.
Spirits that people invoke may seem benevolent, but they are not the same as the comforting memory of a loved one. 2 Corinthians 11:14 warns us that “Satan disguises himself as an angel of light.” People seeking comfort may not be willing to face this truth.
True empowerment and freedom come from understanding who we are in Christ. God offers us a way to connect, belong, and find purpose—through a relationship with Him, not through rituals that promise control over the unseen or a sense of familiarity. That evening at the cultural dance show was a vivid reminder of how spiritual influences can subtly weave their way into moments that seem harmless or even beautiful. But not everything that appears as light is truly light. Discernment is a gift, and seeking God’s truth will always lead us to genuine peace and freedom.
The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, and the knowledge of the Holy One is insight.”
Proverbs 9:10
If this resonates, ensure to speak genuinely from your own heart and continue the conversation in your own words with our Father.
Heavenly Father, I come before You, acknowledging that I may have engaged in practices that were not aligned with Your truth. I ask for Your forgiveness. Right now, I cancel and renounce the agreements, pacts, or spiritual connections that I have made, whether knowingly or unknowingly, that are not of You. I plead the blood of Jesus over my life and declare that every door opened to the enemy is now closed in the name of Jesus. Holy Spirit, fill every space that was occupied by darkness and lead me into Your truth and light. Thank You for Your mercy, grace, and protection. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
Blog Posts
S.Z.Eden
October 17, 2024
For most of my life, I looked at Christianity and the Bible as just a religious system rather than the infallible word of God. I’d hear people preach so passionately about how Jesus died for us, but I couldn’t wrap my head around it. I was trying to grasp something eternal with a carnal mind. I couldn’t discern things on that level (1 Cor 2:14); It was a slow, gradual process that ultimately led me to repentance and surrender.
I'm skipping over a lot here, but let's just start from 2022 when it all really shifted. I had fasted in February 2022 for health-related reasons, but little did I know, it was stirring something up in my heart. That was the first time I ugly cried to God about an internal battle I was fighting—my struggles with memory loss. During that fast, the words "Return to Eden" became etched in my heart. I felt led to start working on a family documentary, which eventually grew into creating this brand, "Vitamin Eden." That’s how this blog came to life.
After that fast, I started watching certain videos that challenged my beliefs. Then in October 2022, I closed down my entertainment business and also unexpectedly lost my main business’s office space, so I had time to think in silence. No distractions. No busyness. During that downtime at home, I was watching a sermon, and something tugged at my heart. It wasn’t even anything particularly deep, but it stirred something within me. I remember getting up from the living room and locking myself in my room to pray. I said, "God, I don’t even know what to say or how to pray to you. I feel like I’m always rambling." I was so frustrated! I said, "I want to see what others see and feel what others feel when they talk about Your love." I asked Him to show me how to pray, to help me understand.
And then things got… interesting.
A few days after that prayer, I jolted awake at 6:09AM. Super random. The same thing happened the next morning, but this time, it was because of a dream. I don’t usually remember my dreams, but this one was crystal clear. In the dream, I looked under the bed, and there was a dark figure—an old, bony, emaciated woman, staring back at me. Very creepy. But even in the dream, I didn’t panic. I’ve always been good at staying calm even when I’m scared. So I stared back at it for a couple of seconds, then just stood back up like, “Nope, not today.” I woke up with my heart pounding and immediately checked my phone… 6:09AM again. I turned on the lights, then just laid there in bed watching cartoons lol. At this time in my walk, I didn’t know anything about praying against demonic attacks, so I just continued on with my day.
Then, on the third or fourth morning, I woke up randomly again—no phone notifications and my dogs were fast asleep. I said to myself, "I na even goin look at my phone." I laid there for about five minutes, got angsty, and then decided to check. You guessed it... 6:09AM again!!!! Even in my delay to check, I was hit with the numbers. By this time, I felt the need to Google "Bible 6:09." LOL... please don’t judge my search methods.
Matthew 6:9 was the FIRST thing that popped up. And it read: "This, then, is how you should pray." I dropped my phone like it was hot and just burst out laughing! In that moment, I just knew everything was about to change. God had answered my prayer.
Back then, I was into angel numbers, so God knew exactly how to get my attention. But this time, instead of turning to new-age websites for answers, I was led to the Bible. It felt more like a gentle nudge, rather than me trying to force a meaning like I used to. And while I already knew that verse by heart—“Our Father, who art in Heaven…”—there was so much depth to it that day that I’d never seen before. He was showing me that it wasn’t about finding the perfect words to say, but about tuning into the intention, reverence, and honour.
God was showing me how to approach/view Him properly (as MY Father, my Lord) before we could even build a more personal relationship. Like a father disciplining his child, He gave me a structured approach as a starting point—something I’d lacked my whole life. This experience taught me that God is willing to speak to us in a language we understand, but once He has our attention, it’s our turn to learn and speak His language. I think that’s so fair.
I’d been complicating things my whole life, thinking I needed to crack some spiritual formula. But there He was, guiding me back to the basics, right there in His Word. So in January 2023, I bought a new Bible—the NIV translation, one I could actually understand at that time. What a game changer.
It's been an eye-opening and humbling journey over the past couple of years, as I strip away all the labels that I once held on to for my worth. "'As surely as I live,' says the Lord, ‘every knee will bow before me; every tongue shall confess to God." I am thankful to now be able to confess that Jesus is indeed Lord of my life.
I understand, from my own experience, that no amount of pressure, guilt, or shame is going to make someone see the light if they’re not ready. For me, it took fasting, silence, and losing the distractions that kept me busy, but empty. But I never stopped seeking for something greater. I know we all have our own journey, but I urge you, with everything in me, to open your heart. Give God the chance to show you something deeper through His Son, Jesus. Ask Him to help you see what He wants you to see and to attune your heart. It won’t be easy, and there will be moments when it feels like everything is trying to pull you off course. But remember, this journey isn’t just about you—it's about something greater.
If you’re already walking with God, I pray you have a strong support system to encourage you and keep you grounded in Christ. I also pray that you’ll continue planting seeds using the gifts and talents He’s given you. But if you’re still searching (or even running), know this: God hasn’t given up on you. He’s right there, waiting, patient and persistent. It’s still not too late to ask, to seek, to find.
So the journey continues...
Philippians 1:6 AMP - I am convinced and confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will [continue to] perfect and complete it until the day of Christ Jesus.
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S.Z.Eden
October 11, 2024
In the Cayman Islands, the mangroves stand firm against the rising tides, shielding us from storms and providing life to countless creatures. It’s amazing how God’s wisdom is woven into His creation. These resilient trees thrive in harsh environments where land meets the salty sea, conditions that would cause most plants to wither. They endure extreme challenges, much like intercessors do while standing in the gap for the vulnerable.
And with all of that, it seems like every time I read the news, there’s a heavy push on the plan to clear these wetlands for development. Recently, a former chairman of the planning authority pushed forward a $7.5 million subdivision, leveraging his influence to get approval after a 20-year wait. The project is positioned as “progress” with the noble cause of affordable housing. The need for affordable housing during such a difficult time for our people may quiet public outcry, but it raises grave concerns for those of us who see how far some will go (and how long they would wait)—to steal, kill, and destroy what is good (these natural habitats in this case). For them, it’s about leaving a mark or making a buck, no matter the environmental consequences.
With each development project, we risk building on shaky foundations, quite literally. It’s clear that we (society) are following the path of the foolish builder (Matthew 7:24-27), and choosing short-term gains over long-term stability.
It brings to mind a challenging tension we face as believers: How do we balance being good stewards of what God has given us whilst knowing that this world, in its current form, is passing away? We are called to care for creation, but also to keep our eyes on eternity. As the world pushes us toward faster, bigger, more, we need to remember to dig deeper, sinking into the soil of our faith and values. Just like the mangroves, only then can we stand firm.
The question is, what are you rooted in? Are you building your life on sand or on rock?
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S.Z.Eden
October 11, 2024
This beloved isle, cradled by endless blue, knows the rhythm of change, the song of the sea. But do we?
Do we remember that progress isn't just about what we build, but also what we protect, what we honour?
The heart of Cayman beats in the roots of these trees, in the tangled arms of the mangroves that hold the land together, stretched out like a mother’s embrace, shielding us from the waves before they reach our shores.
Land of soft, fresh breezes, will we remember you when the machines hum louder than the wind?
When the water rises higher, will we miss the protection we once took for granted? Who will stand where you once stood?
Progress and protection—two tides pulling in opposite directions. Can we find a way to hold both?
When the next storm comes, and the waves roar ashore, may we remember those who stood their ground for centuries.
And may we ask ourselves: What do we stand for? Who will stand where the mangroves once stood?
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S.Z.Eden
October 11, 2024
Let’s get straight to it: Many people who repeatedly label themselves as humble or selfless, are often afraid to face their deeper desires—to be truly seen or to receive from others. The fear is rooted in rejection, so they control the narrative that feels safest. We all know humility is a virtue, but today's culture has completely reduced its meaning to an external representation of self. In one's desperation to appear humble, they show their pride. When labels like these are self-prescribed, are they really about a genuine posture of the heart, or are they more about managing how others see you? When it’s the latter, it becomes a brand rather than a true reflection of your heart. When it's a brand, it also becomes your box.
I’ve seen what happens when people gain some confidence or get a taste of external validation. There’s a shift in their personality, and suddenly, the humble brand starts to crumble. What they had wasn’t humility; it was insecurity. Then the internal battle ensues. They find themselves justifying a new, more daring version of themselves, still while trying to sprinkle in just enough of the old label to keep up appearances, lost between pride and people pleasing. And with all of that strategy and curation, it's still lacking true humility. It’s exhausting. Identity Crisis 101.
Tim Keller hits this on the nose when he talks about pride in Habakkuk 2:5 (watch full sermon below). The Babylonians were “arrogant and never at rest, greedy as the grave and as insatiable as death.” That’s what pride looks like—it’s never satisfied. People may put on the mask of humility, but deep down, it’s a restless hunger for more validation, more praise, more security. You can’t fake humility because eventually, it unravels.
This isn’t one of those posts where you start nodding your head while thinking of someone in particular. It’s a call for us all to look in the mirror. We’ve all placed labels on ourselves. We cling to roles like “the reliable one” or “the fixer” because they feel safe. But what happens when you start playing these roles with a resentful heart underneath? You harm your soul on a deeper level because you're lying to yourself. Theres a disconnect. Holding onto labels, regardless of how positive they may be to the world at large can be a hindrance when God calls you to step fully into who HE calls you to be and HOW he calls you to be. Tim Keller pointed out that pride sneaks in not just through obvious arrogance, but through insecurity too. Like the Babylonians, people often try to “clothe themselves with glory” to feel significant, but in doing so, they end up hollow inside, constantly striving to prove their worth. It traps them in a cycle of performance, and they end up chasing validation, not peace.
So, what’s my point? It’s really about letting go of the performances. Let your humility, your selflessness, whatever you self-identify as, be who you are naturally, not a campaign. Allow God to refine you wherever He’s calling you towards. Don't wear a gold-plated mask. Labels will mess with you—I know this from experience. Astrology once gave me a sense of identity. We'll say things like, “I’m just like this because I’m a Leo, Virgo moon, bla bla rising.” It feels safe for a moment, to feel understood, but they quickly turn into traps that keeps us from stepping beyond certain parameters. God sees the fullness of who you are, beyond any sign or role you can agree to.
Look at Peter—impulsive fisherman turned leader of the church. He didn’t let his past or others’ perceptions hold him back. He stepped into something bigger, even when it meant being misunderstood. If he had stuck to a brand as the “rebellious one that never listens to any authority”, he would have missed his calling to follow Christ, and we likely wouldn’t know Jesus in the way we do today.
So many labels are performative and are pride in disguise. Let go, and step into the fullness of who God made you to be. And NOoo He didn’t create you to be prideful, sinful, judgmental, insecure, nor rebellious—those are lies from the enemy to keep you in the flesh. What labels are you holding onto? What is causing an internal conflict therefore causing your mental health to be at risk? Where are you clinging to an old version of yourself because it feels easier or safer than stepping into the life God created for you?
You are more than the labels you’ve placed on yourself and stronger than the mask you hide behind. Drop the act, and let God show you the fullness of who you truly are.
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S.Z.Eden
October 8, 2024
Jim Carrey’s dad taught him that you can fail even at the things you think are safe. His dad didn’t think comedy could really be a job, so he chose something stable in his eyes, an accounting gig. It wasn’t his dream, but it felt secure. But when Jim was twelve, his dad lost that “safe” job, and suddenly, their family was struggling to get by. Wake-up call: The path that seems the safest can still crumble beneath you. It made Jim realize that failure is possible no matter what. You can fail at something you don’t even love. So why not go toward the things that God placed on our hearts?
We think if we lower our expectations, play it safe, keep our hearts wrapped up tight, we’ll avoid the hurt. But disappointment has a way of finding us, even when we try to hide from it. And it’s not just about dreams or careers. It’s clear in relationships too. So many people stay in relationships they don’t even feel connected to, just because it seems easier (or safer). But even in that, you can still end up disappointed, and honestly, that’s probably worse. You didn’t even want to be in this relationship in the first place, and maybe something unspeakable happens.
This is where we can take a lesson from the Darwin’s bark spider (Yes, I wrote about a spider😌!). To build its web, the spider casts a line of silk across rivers, trusting the wind to carry it to a strong anchor point. It can’t control where the thread lands, but it just keeps trying, releasing one line after another. And even when that thread breaks (like when another spider breaks the line), the spider doesn’t give up. It reels in the broken line, recycles the silk, and tries again. If it stops trying, it could literally starve. Its survival depends on pushing past failure.
And it’s the same with us. When hope is deferred, Proverbs 13:12 tells us it makes the heart sick. We starve our hearts. We’re not meant to stay in a state of deferred hope, where the disappointment piles up and slowly chokes out our desire to try again. Like the spider, we keep casting our lines, because our own sense of fulfillment—our heart's health—depends on it. It's a form of spiritual starvation.
But there’s another side to this. When do you stop casting your line in the same place and find new ground? Because true resilience isn’t about reckless persistence. It’s about knowing when to try again and when to shift. Yes, the deeper pain comes when you risk your heart for what you really want, and it doesn’t work out. When you’ve put yourself out there, shared your dreams, or opened your heart to a tough conversation—and you still get burned, or worse, you get nothing… it hurts! That kind of pain can make you swear off trying, convincing yourself it’s not even worth the risk.
But it is worth it, and we have the chance to take those broken threads, gather them up and spin something new. The biggest loss isn’t the sting of disappointment; it’s never trying again. It’s letting fear keep you on the sidelines when you were meant to be in the game. Nature doesn’t quit after a setback. So why should we?
So just so we're clear: there’s wisdom in discerning when to persist and when to pivot. It’s not about walking back into situations or relationships that have shown a clear pattern of being unsafe or harmful. That’s not resilience—that’s delusion. Even the spider would abandon a spot if it was laced with predators. Don’t let stubbornness keep you stuck, thinking you’re being brave when you’re really just treading water.
So, how do we know when to try again or when to shift? It’s about listening to God’s guidance. Sometimes we're called to persevere, to keep casting our lines despite the handful of setbacks. Other times, we’re guided to find new ground where we can grow and thrive. The denominator is we're never called to give up entirely. Our challenge is to stay open, to remain willing to risk where He calls us to, and trust that if we keep casting our lines with intention, it will eventually catch onto something solid. Because paying it safe won’t guarantee a pain-free ride. Somewhere in that risk, in those uncertain waters, life is waiting and reminding us that trying again isn’t just a choice; it’s in our nature.
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S.Z.Eden
October 6, 2024
Let’s talk about a little-known creature that has a lot to teach us about resilience: the Darwin’s bark spider. Native to Madagascar, this spider is a master of weaving massive webs sometimes spanning over 80 feet across rivers. For context, that’s like a tiny creature smaller than your thumb crafting a bridge longer than a school bus.
To get its web started, the Darwin’s bark spider has to create a “bridging line”—a long thread of silk that floats on the wind across the water. It can’t control where the thread will land; it has to trust the wind to carry it to a solid anchor point on the other side. It’s a process of trial and error, releasing thread after thread until one finally catches onto something sturdy.
This part of the spider’s process shows us the importance of letting go of the need for control and trusting the process. We can’t always control how things will turn out, but we can trust that our efforts, guided by faith and perseverance, will land where they’re meant to.
Even when the spider’s thread finds its mark, its work isn’t done. Sometimes, just as it’s reinforcing that delicate bridge, another spider might come along and cut the line. We can look at this 'bad-mind' spider as people who shut out opportunities to us, or make our journeys harder.
In these moments, the Darwin’s bark spider doesn’t waste time and go to the bar to drown out its failures. It reels in the damaged thread, literally eats it (recycling the silk into new material), and prepares to cast another line. This cycle of gathering up what’s left, repurposing it, and trying again is built into its very nature. The definition of taking an L and making lemonade (is that a thing ppl say? sounded good in my head lol).
Setbacks aren’t the end of the story. Instead, they can be the raw material for our next try. Like the spider, we can take the lessons from what didn’t work, process them, and use them as fuel for our next effort. Failure, in this sense, isn’t wasted—it’s transformed into something that helps us move forward.
We can learn a lot from this process. Often, the fear of failure can keep us from making a fresh start. But if a spider using nothing more than its instincts and a little patience can turn broken threads into a new opportunity, then I knowww we can do the same.
“Let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up.” (Galatians 6:9). Success is often less about avoiding mistakes and more about having the courage to try again after things fall apart.
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S.Z.Eden
October 6, 2024
I recently watched this super cool video about the giant water lily and its growth, & of course I had to connect it to the human experience. I really can't help myself.
In its growth stage, the giant water lily legit fights its way upward, using one of its buds like a club to clear space and push through anything in its territory. It basically swings on anything in its way lol! Although it seems a bit aggressive, it’s still a slow, determined process, claiming space before it unfurls its massive leaves. In essence, it basically gives a warning to what's on the surface, clearing the way before it comes through and crushes everything in its path. The leaves on the surface that didn't get the memo will die once the lily fully takes up space. (plz watch the short video below).
So the water lily knows how to take up space where it’s planted, yet many of us don't?😗 As we grow into our purpose, it's natural that certain things must be cleared in the process—old habits, fears, even relationships. It's all part of making room for what God is cultivating within us.
In the video, note that the lily didn't rush to "big up itself". Its 'bud' prepared the way, and only then it could stretch out and take its place. Amen? In the same way that John the Baptist prepared the way for Jesus, and in the same that Jesus made a way for us... *smiles to self*.. Jesus is like our 'bud' who prepared the way, and now its on us to show up, even if it's uncomfortable to those around us.
The giant water lily is a reminder to trust the process of preparation. The waiting period is far from passive; it’s a time of unseen work beneath the surface, where roots are strengthened and direction is set. This mirrors the essence of prayer. In prayer, while we may feel still, there’s action taking place within us and outside of us. God is preparing our hearts, clearing away what hinders us, and readying us for what’s to come. Preparation also looks like strengthening our mental and physical health. The right timing brings growth that is steady and unshakeable.
What needs to be cleared so that you can expand as God intends? & how do you prepare in the waiting period? You gotta stay readyy (no Jhene Aiko).
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S.Z.Eden
September 25, 2024
Living with a hiatal hernia feels like going through a maze, one misstep can lead to discomfort that can derail your entire day.
A hiatal hernia happens when the top of your stomach slips through a small opening in your diaphragm, where it’s not supposed to be. This happens when the muscles around the diaphragm weaken or get strained, allowing the upper part of your stomach to push through an opening called the hiatus. It causes a lot of bloating and in my case, many people have mistaken this inflammation attack for a pregnancy bump, especially as I rub the top of my stomach to calm it down.
.webp)
This can be caused by several factors (outside of harmful medications and eating habits), including:
When the stomach moves into this space, it disrupts the normal function of the lower esophageal sphincter (the muscle that keeps stomach acid from rising up), leading to symptoms like heartburn, acid reflux, and discomfort.
Over the years I've made quite a lot of poor decisions that have led me to having a hiatal hernia, see previous blog post called Gut Feelings, Skin Deep. I've learned that managing this condition isn’t just about avoiding certain foods or sticking to a rigid routine. It’s about learning to listen to my body and creating an environment that supports healing. Let me take you through the lessons I’ve learned:
When I first started managing this issue I started with a disciplined approach. I tracked every meal, symptom, and trigger in a food journal, which helped me identify patterns. For instance, I realized the hiatal hernia attacks would often flare up a week before my menstrual cycle. Hormonal stress would disrupt my gut, which led to missed meals or cravings for foods that weren’t good for me.
As helpful as tracking this process was, it eventually became its own source of stress. I was so focused on getting everything “right” that I wasn’t giving my body the space to heal naturally. Over time, I learned that once I identified my triggers, it was more effective to let go of the rigidity and embrace a more intuitive approach. Now, I've learned to trust my body’s signals and eat when I’m ready, focusing on creating a peaceful environment for digestion rather than obsessing over tracking.
I used to believe that eating breakfast by a certain time would prevent gut issues later in the day. That's what I thought the pattern showed me... but sometimes we don't actually know how to read patterns. For example, if it got later than I'd normally eat, my body was likely feeling jittery from hunger, therefore I would eat something unhealthy or eat super quickly to ease the hunger. This doesn't necessarily mean that it's because I ate late, but more so because of the way I ate and the environment I ate in. I was focusing on the symptoms. So rushing through my morning and forcing myself to eat on a schedule only added stress. When you’re stressed, your body releases cortisol, the “fight or flight” hormone, which tells your body to focus on survival, not digestion. This leads to painful flare-ups.
I was so strict with myself, that when a friend shared their wisdom with me to consider fasting, I immediately rejected it by saying that would never be possible because I "needed" to eat at a certain time every day to avoid the pain. I made that agreement, so my body followed through with it. Funny enough, a few months later when I did try fasting as a last resort, it was like a reset for my gut. It really helped! It basically shifted my mindset and helped me release all the control I had about how I do things. It also supercharged my spiritual walk with Christ, because I was feeding myself the Word during that time. Win-Win!!!
So now instead of sticking to a rigid breakfast time, I simply sit down to eat once I'm able, I do so calmly and very mindfully🤭, and that has made a huge difference! God has been showing me the balance between taking control of my life (aka "Get Up and WALK"), while also surrendering to His guidance. It's a beautiful dance in all aspects of my life, including my gut health.
I used to think I could be productive by eating while working, attending meetings, or even watching a show. But I learned that splitting my attention between my food and something else led to poor digestion. For me, digestion requires focus, and when my brain is engaged elsewhere, my body can’t digest food properly.
Now, I make sure to eat in a calm, distraction-free environment, My body is sensitive to the energy around me, and creating a peaceful space for meals is essential for healthy digestion.
It’s important to remember that not everyone's system thrives in calm environments like mine does. Some people with faster metabolisms actually digest better in busy, high-energy settings. Their bodies thrive in environments with lots of movement, like a crowded café. But for me—and others whose bodies might freeze in what it perceives as a chaotic environment—calmness is necessary.
Beyond the eating environment, I’ve also become mindful of where the food itself comes from. I’ve often turned down meals cooked by my own mother when I sensed she prepared them in a state of stress. The same goes for restaurants. I’ve walked out of places after sitting down and noticing distress among the staff or chaos in the kitchen. Food carries the energy of the environment in which it’s made, and that energy can affect digestion.
Here's the thin line though: there are some instances when I can't control my surroundings. I have to make a conscious decision to still eat even when it's not ideal for my digestion. In these cases, I have to really tap into myself. I get really grounded and breathe deeply, speak to my body and pray for God to calm me so that the external doesn't affect me internally. It's a good reminder that we can't control everything, but we can be in control of ourselves. It simply takes a little more of a conscious effort to regulate whilst in the noise.
While avoiding triggers and creating a peaceful environment are essential, I’ve also developed specific techniques for managing flare-ups when they happen. Here’s what works for me:
I’ve learned that certain foods are major triggers for my symptoms, including:
I haven’t cut these foods out entirely. There's more context to consider. Instead of re-introducing that rigid approach and completely avoiding these foods, I focus on how and when I eat them. For example, it's best to always start with a salad or vegetables first—aka cushioning the stomach—so I pack on the fibre, which doesn't spike my insulin levels. Doing this allows my body to handle small amounts of these trigger foods. I don't believe in life-time allergies or intolerances. Over time I've re-introduced certain things back into my diet (like dairy), and have been able to tolerate it once again. Our bodies are intelligent and knows what it needs, when it needs it, and simply rejects what our system cannot support at the time.
Being rigid leaves no room for flexibility, and too much flexibility leaves no room for stability. Balance is the key to sustainable healing.
At the end of the day, healing isn’t just about avoiding certain foods or following a strict routine, it’s about creating an environment that allows your body to thrive. As I’ve learned to listen to my gut and care for my body, I’ve realized that it’s not just about finding physical relief—it’s about cultivating peace, patience, and self-control, which are all fruits of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23). These fruits guide me through the ups and downs, helping me practice kindness toward myself, gentleness in my approach, and faithfulness in trusting the process.
The Bible reminds us in Proverbs 14:30, “A heart at peace gives life to the body.”
Disclaimer: I’m not a medical doctor, just a gut enthusiast sharing my personal journey! For any serious concerns, please consult a healthcare professional—because while I may know my way around a food journal, I don’t have a PhD in digestion. 😊 Listen to your body and your doctor (that is if your doctor isn't just pumping you with meds without considering all other factors......please).
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S.Z.Eden
September 25, 2024
Gut Feelings, Skin Deep: Healing Beyond the Surface
There’s something deeply unsettling about how far we’ll go to "fix" the surface while ignoring the chaos beneath. We see it in weight loss culture, plastic surgeries, and even skin-lightening practices across the Caribbean. It’s all around us—people striving for external perfection while their inner world is unraveling.
For about three years, the mirror was my battlefield. Each time I looked at my reflection, I wasn’t just seeing acne—I was confronting the stress, insecurity, and inner turmoil that manifested on my skin. It was my early 20s, and I felt trapped by my own skin. My acne was just the symptom. The real issue? Internal conflict. Because of this, I avoided the mirror and hid behind Snapchat filters.
In hindsight, my acne was a powerful teacher on themes of self-worth, confidence and inner beauty. Interestingly, it actually supported me by creating distance from people who weren't healthy for me. Because I didn't have healthy personal boundaries, this 3-year phase forced me to isolate and really look within. I couldn't see it in this way before, because at the time I was just insecure, and focused on trying to fix it.
During this time, I was in a relationship which, on the surface, seemed great, but there were so many blind spots (or pimples all over). The spots were blind to me at least. I was trained to silence my intuition. I had learned to ask fewer and fewer questions because every time I tried to understand something, the distance between us grew. The more I asked, the more confused I became. The facade of a healthy relationship mirrored my fixation of having clear skin. Both were cover-ups for deeper issues that needed to come to the surface.
So what happens when you ignore red flags? You lose parts of yourself little by little. You lose touch with reality. The human body has an incredible way of manifesting what’s happening internally. My gut was already screaming at me, and what did I do? I threw a grenade at it in the form of heavy-duty acne medication—Accutane🫣. Not my greatest decision.
While taking Accutane I developed a hiatal hernia which caused me so much stomach pain, which I'm still healing to this day. My body was waving a white flag, begging me to just stop. Sadly it took that level of physical pain for me to finally listen.
The first step in healing my soul and gut was learning and abiding by the beautiful word, "No." That initial no felt impossible, but also like reclaiming a lost piece of myself. I was holding onto a relationship that didn't want me fully, yet wouldn't fully let me go. I also didn't have the confidence nor clarity to leave on my own, plus my boundaries were constantly challenged, until I really put my foot down. Our last straw was when he'd proposed for us to have an "open relationship". This suggestion came only after I finally had photo evidence of what I had felt in my gut to be true. And honestly, I wasn’t devastated, I was relieved that I actually wasn't crazy. This final "no" ultimately led me to saying "yes" to my mental and emotional health. My gut health followed after. Finally, this was freedom for the both of us. I say both because when you set yourself free, it frees the other person(s) from their dysfunction as well (unless they're a narcissist, which requires a whole different post).
The little voice I had silenced for years had always been there, trying to guide me. It was in the isolation (hiding because of my acne), that I was hit with a taste of the truth of myself and those around me. It was then in my solitude (from the breakup), that I could really hear my conscience again.
Later, with a clearer mind (and a lot of gut pain), I stopped taking the course of Accutane. I also decided to quit birth control, which I had been on since I was 14 due to PCOS. After a decade of hormone-altering medication + about 5 years of a rocky relationship, my body was finally free. No medicinal nor spiritual confusion. To my shock—and my doctor’s—my PCOS cleared up completely within months, without any changes to my diet or exercise. It was a healing I never expected.
⚠️ I’m not saying my sudden approach of coming off of medication is for everyone, but there is immense wisdom in returning to the innate intelligence of our bodies. It was the start of rekindling my relationship with my body and mind.🌿
Wherever you are on your journey, I urge you to really listen. Not to your heart, as it is deceitful, but to that small still voice within. And when you listen, follow through with its divine instructions. Only then will that connection strengthen. When we don't listen, life gets to a point where you have no other choice but to listen. Please don't let that be you. There's so much damage on the other end of that. Healing is messy, but there’s grace in every step. Yes, as a result, we will still spend time recovering physically and mentally from past traumas and bad decisions, but rest in knowing that when you know better, you can do better, and then you can help others who also want to do better. Our experiences aren't just for us.
So overall it was never about my skin; it was about the environment I was in and how I felt within. My skin simply supported the season I was in. I am thankful for the lessons. If you’re in a situation that has blocked your intuition, where you’re constantly second-guessing yourself, I pray you find the strength to break free. Though I didn't seek God in this season, He was still there trying to guide me. Our bodies, and the Holy Spirit who lives in us, are waiting for us to listen. True healing begins not when we see our reflection but when we finally remove the mask we've been hiding behind. Remember to thank your body for supporting you in your journey. It's a blessing to have a body that cares enough to show you that something is wrong within. Listen.
Father, I come before You, ready to face my reflection, both inside and out. As Your Word says in Psalm 139:14, 'I praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made.' Help me to see myself through Your eyes, with love and compassion. Grant me the clarity and strength to release anything that hinders my growth and my walk with You. Let Your peace guide my heart as I seek healing and wholeness in Your presence. In Jesus' name, Amen.
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S.Z.Eden
September 15, 2024
I bought a trampoline… well, a rebounder to be exact, and I can’t even contain my excitement!!! 🎉 This post is filled with a lot of trial and error, so bear with me. Trust the process!
Quick backstory – I’m getting older (lol)... that's the whole story right there😆. Entering my 30s has been humbling in ways I didn’t expect.
Now, I’ve never been a fitness girly, but I’ve always cared about feeling at home in my body at least. I have trouble with being consistent, but I AM consistent in trying new things. See how I reframed that? Ohh the stories we tell ourselves... The issue is I tend to get bored or injured very quickly lol. But this time, I think I’ve found the thing. I feel it in my bones (pun totally intended🤭!).
Let’s rewind to three years ago when I tried rollerskating🛼
It was so much fun and great cardio. We would skate almost every day at basketball courts around the island… All was going well until I took a nasty fall, hitting my tailbone and spraining my elbow (yes, there’s evidence 😅). I was trying to get fancy with a new move I learnt in front of a crowd, and let’s just say I was immediately humbled!
After that fail, I decided to try Pilates. And honestly, my body LOVES Pilates. I know it will be my long-term love. But right now, for my pockets..not so much. I haven’t been as consistent as I’d like.
Then came strength training.. which isn't fun, , but I do see results quickly and continue to work with Robert when he's available! Then on to PICKLEBALL. 10/10 -so much fun that I forgot all about my limits and played for THREE HOURS with friends my very first time. 😅
Well.. the next day after Pickleball...my back had other plans. After an X-ray, it turned out I (thankfully) didn’t have a herniated disc, but it was a facet joint sprain. That was a close call! I couldn’t bend or move properly for almost two months. I was like ok God, I hear you loud and clear with that very serious warning.
Shoutout to Azeez from Cryo345 for helping me recover. 🙌
The theme here? I really need to learn my limits, lol.
After my pickleball incident, I knew I needed to find something that wouldn’t wreck my body or my bank account. I went back to basics and started walking and jump roping in my studio. Simple, right? But once again, I got bored. I wanted to do all the fancy hop-skippity tricks immeediately😤.
All my past failures and lessons has brought me to this point. A deeper understanding about my body's needs. While putting together my new toy, it felt like reparations... like justice for my body! It did not disappoint.
Here’s why it checks all MY boxes:
Let’s get into the science for a second. One of the coolest things about rebounding is that you’re actually giving your lymphatic system a huge boost while you bounce. Most people know about the circulatory system – the heart pumps blood all around the body. But the lymphatic system? It doesn’t have a pump. It needs you to move in order to do its job. And since many of us live sedentary lives due to work, our bodies aren’t functioning as they should internally. Your lymphatic system is essential for detoxifying the body, moving nutrients around, and keeping your immune system in check. Rebounding stimulates this system by simply… bouncing! How cool is that? You’re doing wonders for your body without the grind of a typical workout.
A few benefits of rebounding that sold me on it:
Look for a sturdy, high-quality rebounder with good suspension. I got mine from Amazon – the brand is BCAN, and it’s super affordable at around $160.
If there’s one thing I’ve learned through all my fitness fails, it’s this: Each setback taught me something valuable about my body and what it needs. The key is to keep trying, keep moving, but PLEASE keep listening to your body as you go.
Remember, our bodies are fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14). Let's honor God by taking care of the temples He's given us.
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S.Z.Eden
September 15, 2024
Today, a friend asked me, "Where is your heart? What are you afraid of?" She asked because our fears / battles usually point to our ministry or what we’re called to do. I spoke about a specific pattern in my life, it’s my battle with confusion. I’ve spent years fighting this through major memory lapses and manipulative relationships. Being constantly misunderstood was a standard. No one was providing clarity to me nor seeking clarity from me. I’ve fought the spirit of confusion for as long as I can remember.
Now that I’ve found freedom through Jesus Christ, I do not tolerate confusion in any form. When I sense manipulation, I’m ready to fight (spiritually). My past gave me the ability to discern deception and cut through it like a samurai master. That’s why I focus so heavily on questions—they lead to clarity.
Questions lead to clarity and clarity breaks the stronghold of confusion over our lives.
Asking questions forces assumptions, expectations, and projections to fall away. It exposes truth, even if the only truth you receive is that this individual is not honest with you or themselves. I’ve been on both ends of this spectrum. I have promised myself that I would never be a dishonest person again or in close connection with dishonest people anymore...... Is this righteous anger, or a triggered girl? Maybe a bit of both🫣.
When we live in confusion, we make decisions out of blindness or desperation, rather than wisdom. This has led me down paths I should have never walked (or stayed in). It drove me to seek knowledge and understanding outside of the will of God.
Confusion is the number one symptom of abuse and manipulation, and God is not the author of confusion. This is the work of the devil, a form of witchcraft. When people lie, they attempt to maintain control over others. But the moment clarity steps in, that control breaks. It’s simply not right to trap others in a web of withheld information (lies). It’s not right to be deceived by half-truths. I'm aware that as humans we can appear to be honest, but that's where discernment comes in. We should pray for discernment and Godly wisdom, constantly.
When Jesus encountered the woman at the well, He went straight to the heart of her situation. His intention wasn’t to shame her but to free her. She asked questions, and the clarity He brought led to her transformation (John 4:1-26).
Everything has served its purpose in my life, but I do think about how different it could have been had I had someone around me with the Holy Spirit during my lowest points. Someone who could ask me questions (or allow me to ask questions) that would cut straight into my heart and bring me clarity. But I cannot dwell on that. Now that I am free, I can be that person for others. The spirit of confusion has no place here.
Proverbs 18:2 reminds us, “Fools find no pleasure in understanding but delight in airing their own opinions.” Anyone not trying to seek understanding, is a fool. Anyone that claims to have all the answers, is a fool. If we’re serious about building real connections, we must prioritize understanding.
So this is my answer to my friend's questions. The truth is what I've feared. I've run from it and It has simultaneously been hidden from me. And now, that's all I run towards. God desires clarity, not chaos. He wants us to make decisions from a place of understanding. He has given us a spirit of power and love and a sound mind. However, clarity doesn’t just fall into our laps, we have to consistently seek it. We have to ask questions, pray for discernment, humble ourselves, and allow the Spirit of Truth to lead us.
Bible Verses:
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S.Z.Eden
September 11, 2024
Have you ever been in a situation where you knew exactly what God was asking of you, but for some reason, you hesitated? Whether it’s outright disobedience, denial driven by fear or pride, or simply dragging our feet, these choices carry more weight than we often realize.
Take Moses, for example. God told him to speak to the rock to provide water for the Israelites. But in a moment of frustration, Moses struck the rock instead (Numbers 20:11-12). Water still flowed, but Moses’ disobedience cost him dearly as he was denied entry into the Promised Land. Yes, God’s grace STILL poured out for the people, but Moses still had to face the consequences. Like Moses, we sometimes make choices that seem minor, especially when the outcome appears favorable. But those ripple effects are often greater than we anticipate. God's grace isn’t a free pass to dismiss obedience. As the Bible reminds us, "To whom much is given, much will be required" (Luke 12:48). We know that Moses was later restored (Matthew 17:3), which shows that God’s grace extends beyond earthly consequences. Still, the truth remains: if it is in God’s will, He will accomplish it, but His grace is not a free pass to dismiss obedience.
Denial is another challenge we face. Peter, a key figure in the early church, denied knowing Jesus three times during one of the most critical moments (Luke 22:60-62). Yet, his story didn’t end there. After Jesus’ resurrection, He asked Peter three times, “Do you love me?” (John 21:15-17), offering Peter a chance for redemption. This wasn’t just a reaffirmation of Peter’s love but a symbolic counter to his previous three denials. Jesus provided Peter with a path to healing and reconciliation. We can see that God deals with everyone in a deeply personal way. God's grace offered him healing, but it didn’t cancel out the pain of his betrayal.
I think about my own journey, when I was deceived by astrology and giving readings to friends for free. I had unknowingly disregarded God's truth. A dangerous decision I didn't fully understand until me eyes were opened. Back then I thought I'd found the best thing since sliced bread! I saw people come into a greater confidence within themselves so I thought it was good. I didn't know that for some of them, I was responsible for opening up a door that led them deeper into deception.
After seeking God fully, I felt a heavy grief come over me. I realized how wrong I had been, and as a new believer, I experienced deep regret. I can’t even begin to imagine how it felt for Peter, someone who knew Jesus personally, both in flesh and spirit, and still denied Him. That's SOoo heartbreaking! My reconciliation with God required me to publicly denounce my past practices and apologize to those I had unintentionally misled. Since then, I’ve been vocal about moving away from these spiritual trends. They may seem shiny and appealing, but they are deeply deceptive. I probably sound like a broken record to some (and throughout my blog), but I feel called to keep speaking against it. My convictions are specific, as everyone’s are. Since my moment with Jesus in the quiet of my room, I’ve committed to walking only under His guidance.
The sting of realizing we've chosen our way over God’s can sit heavy on our hearts.
Let's simplify some of this. Sometimes we overcomplicate these biblical themes, viewing them only through the lens of ancient times. But in our privileged lives, we delay what our conscience cries out about daily! Whether it’s starting a workout, changing our diet, or working on a project that’s been heavily weighing on us. These aren’t just personal goals; they’re nudges that (when pursued) strengthen us, our relationship with God, and those around us. This, too, is what obedience looks like. When we don’t follow through, we deny, disobey, and delay. Each time we give in to our flesh, we weaken our spirit. But when we do follow through, we come into agreement with God’s will, deepen our trust in Him, and support and uplift others in the process. Delay, a blend of denial and disobedience, can kill progress, purpose, and even the very opportunities God places before us.
While writing this, I can't help but think about the grace God has freely provided, the blessings, the manna, the water that satisfies my thirst. I never want to fall into the false thinking that I'm receiving these blessings because I’m doing everything right in the eyes of the Lord. That's a recipe for self-righteousness. Grace is a gift, not a reward. It’s not about us; it’s about who God is. And because of who He is, and His goodness, it is in our best interest to partner with His LOVE — without denying or delaying our obedience—simply because He is worthy.
Disobedience, denial, disregard and delay are dangerous decisions within OUR control. God's grace calls us to break free, trust Him, and step fully into His plan.
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make straight your paths." — Proverbs 3:5-6
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S.Z.Eden
September 10, 2024
Joseph’s story, found in Genesis, is one of the powerful examples of forgiveness in the Bible. Betrayed by his own brothers and sold into slavery, Joseph endured years of hardship, rising from the depths of prison to second-in-command in Egypt. Many focus on the material rewards Joseph gained after his suffering, but the real beauty of the story lies in Joseph’s unwavering grace, his forgiveness, and his recognition of God’s greater plan.
My sweet friend, Olivia, sent me a powerful Youtube video the other day (attached at the bottom of this post). In this sermon, titled, 'The Rescuer', Pastor Voddie Baucham pointed out that many people misinterpret Joseph’s story, focusing on his rise to power and material success as the ultimate reward for his trials. But Joseph himself didn’t idolize his status or wealth, and he certainly didn’t see his rise to power as the "payoff" for his suffering. In fact, Joseph’s heart remained fixed on God’s purpose, not his own gain. Joseph held tightly to the wisdom he received.
Despite living in Pharaoh’s kingdom, Joseph was not "of" the kingdom. He kept his faith and identity rooted in God. Pastor Voddie pointed out something so subtle yet so significant. After being given an Egyptian name and status, Joseph still named his own sons with Hebrew names, signifying where his true allegiance lay as it related to identity and purpose in his time. His success wasn’t about him; it was about the bigger picture. Joseph was placed in power to save lives—not to exalt himself.
Joseph had the perfect opportunity for revenge. After all, his brothers had sold him into slavery out of jealousy, setting off a chain of events that caused him immense suffering. When they came to Egypt, unknowingly standing before the brother they had betrayed, Joseph could have used his position of power to punish them. He could have thrown them into prison, enslaved them, or lorded his authority over them. But instead, Joseph chose the path of forgiveness.
In Genesis 45, Joseph reveals his identity to his brothers and reassures them, saying, "Do not be distressed or angry with yourselves because you sold me here, for God sent me before you to preserve life" (Genesis 45:5). Joseph didn’t focus on their betrayal—he reframed their actions in the light of God’s divine plan. Though their intentions had been evil, Joseph understood that God had used the situation for good.
One of the most touching parts of Joseph’s story is how he handles his brothers’ guilt. After revealing himself, Joseph says to them, "Don’t quarrel on the way back" (Genesis 45:24). He didn’t want his brothers to spend their journey home pointing fingers or dwelling in guilt. Joseph had already forgiven them, and now he wanted them to forgive themselves.
How often do we, even after being forgiven, carry the weight of shame? Joseph’s response is a powerful reminder that true forgiveness not only releases the person who wronged us but also encourages them to release their own guilt. He sought to free his brothers not just from the consequences of their actions, but from the emotional burden of their guilt.
After their father, Jacob, passed away, Joseph’s brothers feared that his forgiveness had only been temporary, tied to their father’s presence. They believed that now, with their father gone, Joseph would seek revenge. But Joseph, once again, reassured them, saying, "Am I in the place of God?" (Genesis 50:19). Even though Joseph had the physical power to punish them, he refused, recognizing that judgment belonged to God alone. That reassurance was such a sweet reminder of the responsibility we have with others who are weak in faith, when they're still battling their own inner guilt or past traumas. Forgiveness is a gift, and we should be willing to remind others of that freedom.
This is where many people misunderstand Joseph’s famous words in Genesis 50:20: "You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good." Many use this verse with a hint of bitterness, as if to say, “You hurt me, but I came out on top—look at me now!” But Joseph wasn’t flaunting his success or using his power to shame his brothers. His heart was full of grace. Joseph saw that the good God brought from the situation wasn’t just for him, it was for the saving of many lives.
Joseph’s forgiveness is a foreshadowing of what Jesus would later do for all of humanity. Just as Joseph forgave his brothers who betrayed him, Jesus offers forgiveness to us, despite our own sins and failures. Like Judah stepping forward to offer himself in place of Benjamin, Jesus interceded on our behalf, offering himself as a substitute for our sins.
Joseph didn’t let power or status corrupt his heart. He saw the divine purpose in his suffering and used his position to save lives, not exalt himself. In the same way, Jesus’s sacrifice wasn’t about elevating himself—it was about saving us.
Joseph’s story reminds us that the real victory isn’t found in power or material success, but in aligning our hearts with God’s will and extending grace and forgiveness, even when it’s undeserved.
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S.Z.Eden
September 9, 2024
My journey has taught me one undeniable truth: I do not have to tolerate bad behavior.
The chronic people-pleaser in me died a while back. However, life has a way of testing how far I’ve come. Every now and again, I cross paths with individuals who wear a superiority complex like a shield, masking deep wounds with false confidence. When we tolerate bad behavior, we risk mirroring it and becoming hypocrites. Romans 12:21 reminds us, "Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good." Our response to negativity should reflect God's goodness, not mirror the hurt we receive. Admittedly, I do still struggle to not "dish it back" whenever I'm disrespected. It's definitely a part of my ongoing sanctification process🫠
Tolerating bad behavior, essentially gives people permission to remain in their dysfunction, thereby harming others who may be more vulnerable than I am.
That's not responsible. That's not love.
I wish these individuals would come to know that they are worthy without having to overpower others or win some invisible battle. I know these coping mechanisms are harder to release. I know theres a deeply wounded child in them, and yet the truth remains: I do not have to tolerate bad behavior.
These individuals often use their words like snares, hiding bitterness behind humor. Key behaviors I've consistently witnessed include excessive criticism or sarcasm, manipulation tactics like creating false urgency to pressure others, and attempts to belittle or undermine others in very subtle ways. It's a form of emotional witchcraft, and without strong boundaries, it's dangerously easy to get pulled into their game.
Somewhere along their journey, whether through childhood trauma or abusive relationships, they bought into a dark, nasty lie about their worth. And to that, I say: let that lie go. I'm still burying the lies I've picked up along the way, too. The problem with these nasty lies is they develop into nasty behaviors and, ultimately, create rude/hurtful people.
The way I love these individuals is by standing firm on my values in public, and praying for them in private. Enabling them or to shrugging them off with, “that’s just how they are”, is not love at all. A recent example of this was when a friend of mine tried to convince me that a particular individual, "is just jokey-jokey" and I don't understand their humor. To which I responded, if being "jokey-jokey" allows a person to degrade or belittle others, I cannot, in good conscience, be in agreement. My dissonance for their behavior will be clear, yet my forgiveness and grace for them is also simultaneously near.
I often wrestle with the reality that God loves even those who mistreat others, even though He doesn’t approve of their actions. His ways really aren't our ways (Isaiah 55:8-9)... we barely know how to truly forgive (as if He hasn't forgiven us). This highlights the depth of God's grace. God calls me to love, but love doesn’t mean enabling. I can love someone, pray for them, and genuinely desire their well-being while still setting boundaries that protect me from their hurtful actions. Boundaries are not barriers to love; they’re acts of wisdom and self-respect, allowing me to honor both myself and God while not becoming a doormat for their sin.
It's a delicate balance: practicing grace without excusing sin, loving without allowing abuse, and remembering that while I’m called to forgive, I am also called to be wise. Loving someone doesn’t mean accepting everything they do—it means seeking what’s best for them and for myself, in light of God’s truth.
"Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you" (Colossians 3:13).
This is love.
Lord, grant me the wisdom to see beyond hurtful behaviors to the wounded hearts beneath. Help me respond with grace and firmness, setting healthy boundaries while still showing Your love. Give me strength to stand firm in my values and the compassion to pray for those who test my patience. May my actions reflect Your love and bring healing to difficult relationships. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.
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Lord, I lift up those [say their names] whose hearts are wounded, who hide behind masks of superiority, sarcasm, and manipulation. You see the pain they carry, and You know the deep roots of their hurt. I ask that You bring healing to their brokenness, revealing the lies they have believed about themselves. Soften their hearts, Lord, and help them to experience Your love in a deeply personal way. May they come to know that they are worthy in Your eyes without needing to control or hurt others. Guide them to release the burdens of their past and find peace in Your truth. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.
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S.Z.Eden
August 18, 2024
Recently, someone made a passive joke, calling me a horrible friend. They said I’m too isolated and I don’t check on them enough. Though it was said with a laugh, the words still stung. I started to wonder, Maybe they’re right.....& then bring on my defensiveness. I thought, well why do they never check in on HOW I'm doing? Why is it always about how I show up for them? Then I realized my heart started to harden so I held that thought captive and threw it out quick quick! The best thing I could really do was ask them more questions and see if they are open to a deeper discussion of each of our needs, or if it was just an abandonment wound speaking lies through them.
When someone labels us, even in jest, those words can begin seeping into our hearts, quietly becoming part of how we see ourselves or them. If we're not careful, we make silent agreements with them and start to move in tandem.
When a critique is cloaked in humor, it can shut down any chance for real conversation. It leaves us feeling misunderstood and, often, unmotivated to try to connect further. What if we approached each other with more curiosity and compassion?
A simple, honest conversation could open the door to understanding, allowing us to find common ground where both parties feel valued.
Words carry weight, but we have the power to decide which ones we allow to shape us or our relationship to others.
Colossians 3:12-13: "Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you."
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S.Z.Eden
August 18, 2024
The other day, I spotted the back of a bottle of Dettol: "Keep out of reach and sight of children." We've all seen warnings to keep things out of reach, but this added "and sight" made me pause. Oh, this is a seeerious warning!
If something dangerous is visible, it's still within reach, especially for vulnerable, rebellious, curious little minds. Kids are clever— they'll find a way to get to it. But this warning goes far beyond childproofing. It applies to all of us big kids too.
What we see can spark desires that drive us to reach for things we might be better off avoiding. Remember Adam and Eve? The forbidden fruit was in sight, and it didn't take long before they reached for it (with a little encouragement). Eve "saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye" (Genesis 3:6), and desire took over. That one act of seeing set off a chain reaction of consequences.
God placed a clear boundary in Eden, just like that Dettol bottle set a clear boundary. Even with flashing warning signs, what tempts us visually has power to draw us in, even when we know better.
Now, let's flip the coin. Sometimes we think putting things out of sight solves the problem. If we can't see it, it's not an issue, right? Oh, how we fool ourselves!
I recently moved rooms, thinking my old space was clean. Packing up revealed a closet full of junk I'd neglected. Out of sight, out of mind? Nope. That stuff was still taking up space. Worse, some had become a mold breeding ground, affecting the air I breathed without me knowing.
We do the same with our emotional lives. We hide away hurts, mistakes, and regrets, thinking if we don't see them, they aren't affecting us. But ignoring doesn't equal disappearing. Those hidden pains fester, impacting us in sneaky ways - just like my secret mold colony.
So what's the takeaway? Some things are best kept out of sight—temptations, harmful influences, past hurts that lead us astray. But others need to be faced head-on. We need to regularly dust off those hidden corners of our lives and ask, "What am I ignoring that needs attention?"
Just as that Dettol bottle warns us to keep harmful things out of sight and reach, we need to be mindful of what we expose ourselves to. But we also need to be careful not to simply "Dettol" our problems away by hiding them. Some things need to be cleaned, not concealed.
May we have the wisdom to discern what needs to stay out of sight, what needs dealing with, and what should always remain in clear view. After all, true freedom isn't found in what we hide, but in what we bring into the light.
As Luke 8:17 reminds us, "For there is nothing hidden that will not be disclosed, and nothing concealed that will not be known or brought out into the open."
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S.Z.Eden
May 12, 2024
Today is Mother's Day and I'm overwhelmed.
Last night, I had the privilege of attending a dinner for the Boys to Men organization, and let me tell you, it was an experience like no other. The room was filled with powerful moments that moved everyone to tears—no one left with dry eyes.
One of the most touching parts of the evening was an activity where boys stood with a rose in hand and spoke directly to their mothers (or grandmother, sister, teacher) seated next to them. They began with, "I love you because..." and finished it with their own heartfelt words. Some boys brought humor, while others displayed raw vulnerability, even choking on their words. But that wasn’t a sign of weakness—it was a mark of strength. The act of using their voices, of openly expressing their feelings, was a major step in healing and transforming their relationships.
Organizations like Boys to Men are essential, guiding young men through mentorship, community, and vulnerability. They help teenagers discover their purpose, founded on Christian principles, with real-life applications that create lasting impact.
The key speaker was a young man by the name of Ezra, who spoke a powerful message to the boys in attendance. He spoke about his mother's drug addiction to crack cocaine, and how it affected him growing up. His words were heavy with emotion as he recalled the deep hurt, resentment, and even embarrassment he felt as a child. Ezra’s mother was seated at our table, and when he began speaking about her, the weight of those years seemed to pour out of her in tears. Someone around her held her, and in that moment, I was reminded of how crucial it is for us to have people who support us, even in our brokenness.
Ezra spoke honestly about how his anger once led him down a dark path, arrested three times and nearly falling into a life of crime. But there was a turning point: he realized he couldn't help his mother if he was locked away. And just like that, his life began to change.
Through all the pain, Ezra still held onto the good moments with his mom, like her being his loudest cheerleader, her calling him her "baby” even as he grew older, and her nuggets of wisdom, all while she was still struggling. Those glimmers of her true nature helped Ezra see her for who she really was. He held on to those truths about her character.
Much like Jesus looks beyond our shortcomings, he sees us as we are, who we could be, Ezra chose to speak life into his mother. Standing in front of a room full of people, he honored her. He told the crowd about her 10 years of sobriety, her strength, and her victories. It was a moment of pure restoration, a public declaration of love and grace. And when his mother joined him on stage, the embrace they shared was the culmination of years of pain, healed by love.
As I drove home, I reflected on what I had witnessed. I couldn’t help but wonder what I would have said if it were me holding the mic. “Mom, I love you because…” The words wouldn’t come. Not because I don't love her, but because we’ve never spoken to each other like that. So much goes unsaid in many relationships—so many blessings withheld because we don’t speak them out loud. Last night’s activity was more than a touching gesture; it was a way to cultivate love, to push past the fear of vulnerability and speak life into the people we care about. Instead of feeling discouraged by my silence, I just continued to reflect on the wonderful evening. I prayed for restoration in my relationships.
Instead of feeling discouraged by my silence, I prayed for restoration in my relationships and the courage to speak love into them. It made me think: How many of us carry the weight of strained relationships with our parents? How often do we withhold grace because of past hurt?
His mother was at the same table as us, and as he started to speak she couldn't hold back her tears. She was comforted immediately by the people around her, reminding me how important community is for us all. He spoke from his heart, and I could feel his honesty setting many people free in the room. He perfectly explained the complexity of the situation at hand, including his embarrassment and resentment towards his mother, and yet his deep loyalty for her as she was ostracized from society. He got into much trouble as a teenager defending her, despite his deep insecurities about her as his mother. He conquered many dark thoughts which would have led him to prison or in a grave. Having been arrested 3 times, he recalled his lowest point. He realized he could not help his mom if he does get locked up. This was a major turning point for him. His mother's loving and forgiving heart helped him to release the anger he held towards those who failed her and kept her in bondage with the drugs. Despite such a difficult upbringing, he still spoke so positively about the glimmers he had of her true nature when she was sober. He knew that those moments were truly her. He recalled how she would be the loudest cheerleader during sports day, and how she would always call him her baby, even as an adult now. Her moments of good counsel, even when she herself was struggling, helped him through many dark times. He held on to those truths about her character.
Many of us have strained relationships with our parent(s), but how do we shift our perspectives in order to offer them grace? How do we step up and speak love into them, even if we have not received it from them? Does that even feel like a possibility? There's power in acknowledging the brokenness of a situation, while also opening the door to a deeper understanding, patience, forgiveness, and grace. Ezra proved this in his own story. Let LOVE lead the way, even if it takes forever and a day to arrive at that state.
Honoring and Forgiveness
Reflection on Missed Moments
Courage to Speak Love
Blog Posts
S.Z.Eden
April 23, 2024
*****
Can beauty and progress coexist,
or must one always fade for the other to flourish?
In the heart of our paradise, what have we traded for the promise of tomorrow?
Is the soul of our island being sold piece by piece, or are we forging a new legacy?
Are we watching the change, or are we the architects of it?
How much of our paradise is left for those who call it home, and how much is lost to those who only see its price?
In the battle between preservation and transformation, where do we stand and what ground are we willing to defend?
Can the spirit of the Cayman Islands be measured in profits?or does its true value lie in the hearts of its people?
*****
God has blessed me tremendously with friends who LOVE to express their creativity in the visual arts. Working towards a common goal is soooo fulfilling! This project was created with love and a deep concern for our islands' trajectory.
We've decided to start sharing more of our work. After posting this, the following day we received a call from a gentleman who spoke life into us and shared his life story. He poured into us because we shared a piece of our hearts through our work. Total strangers were reaching out via messages and calls. Two of them were creatives who were in the music and film industry (they're both much older Caymanians). They felt drawn to share their testimonies! Imagine, this piece of work didn't have anything to do with our faith, but it still connected us to people who opened up to us about their faith journey. We hear people's stories every day in our line of work, but this was different as it was unexpected. One of them (an older lady) held back her tears as she encouraged us to continue shining our light and using our gifts. She shared how our work had ignited her to pick her heart project back up - a project she had left sitting for over 2 decades😭. She lovingly warned us about what the enemy might do to discourage us as we begin to share more, this includes people close to us. God clearly sent her our way to make sense of our confusion with one of our friend’s passive behavior regarding how we use our gifts. There was so much wisdom in each person’s words and experiences. But again, the point is this all happened by simply sharing our work. Connection can happen by simply sharing your work.
🌻 In the words of Matt Gottesman - "Your work is something to be proud of & it's of service to others".
Even the simple act of speaking encouraging words can stir something up in others. Passive commentary does not build up anyone, it simply leads to confusion and bitterness between one another. It's important to ask ourselves, "what's the intention behind what I'm about to post or say?". We know from the Bible that God is direct. That's why His Word continues to transform lives today. Whether it comes with a sting or a warm embrace, it's backed by LOVE. We should use our voices, and use it responsibly. Our voices can be heard through our artwork, our music, our photography, our writing, our cooking, our acts of service, and so much more! Our voices build community in many different ways. God can use it all. It really comes down to what is in our hearts!❣️
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S.Z.Eden
April 14, 2024
Although I wandered far,
My heart enshrines thee yet.
Homeland, fair Cayman Isle,
I cannot thee forget.
Psalm 23:2
He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters.
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Video Credit: ZEAL Production - Cayman Islands
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S.Z.Eden
March 20, 2024
My dad has always been a king in my eyes. A man of little words, but a heart for helping others. I have core memories of us watching The Lion King many times growing up, so I see him as a great lion. He still has a gentle yet bold spirit. His charisma captivates anyone around him, and because of this, he's always been the glue to our family's gatherings. We're Cuban, so these gatherings came with a lot of music, dancing, food, dominos, and togetherness. Though all of these things may seem great, my dad had a bit of a drinking problem. Growing up I didn't see an issue. because he was never violent. His drinking produced the most social butterfly I knew, but he was definitely in bondage. For context, he is a farmer, and he built a bar ON his farm for everyone to gather every other day. It was that serious lol.
He never disciplined me while growing up. Looking back, I sometimes wished he did. Too much freedom can lead to seeking guidance in the wrong places, a recipe for an identity crisis. There are a handful of stories about how I almost died as a toddler whenever my mom wasn't around. As a family we laugh about it, but his negligence was a real concern for my mom. Although his love was NOT one of discipline, he was always physically present. It does count for something, but presence with engagement is even more powerful. Although he was present, we've never had any in depth conversations. We bonded by listening to his Cuban music or Bob Marley CDs when he took me to school each morning. His music grounds me to this day, and I'm forever grateful for it.
🤯LIFE TWIST!!🤯 On February 24, 2024, my dad was ordained as a Deacon at his church. Talk about a complete 180. Even the elders of the Church poked fun by saying that only Jesus could have made such a change LOL🤣. The congregation laughed and cheered as he accepted his new role in the church and community.
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The service was sooooo emotional for me. I BAWLED at the church, then in my car, and then in my room until I fell asleep. I kept thanking God for allowing me to witness such a great transformation in his life. So much started to make sense. I thought about when my mom and dad initially gave their life to Christ in 2018/2019. I legit felt like they were "taking away our identity” as a family, not knowing they were actually uprooting the old and rebuilding a new foundation. My dad immediately gave up drinking. That was a shocking shift. Though I didn't drink, I felt like we were stripped from something special. I took it upon myself to create a carnival band experience to "unite my family" in 2019. I dedicated the carnival experience to my uncle Yang who had passed away (he was the life of every family event and always dancing!). It was a huge success. But I wanted more😬..... sigh.....
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My sister and I then started an entertainment company (called Azucar) which entertained hotels and companies for a couple of years throughout the pandemic. That also was a huge success. I felt like we did a great thing for our family, but overtime I realized I wasn't truly fulfilled.... My intentions came from a fear of 'losing our identity' as a family unit, but it started to put a strain on my relationship with them. God was taking me through a deeper self-discovery process. So much so, that in October 2022, I officially closed down the company. This was also the same time that my main business had lost our studio space too, so I was forced to sit in silence for a few months. I’ve come to learn that when God doesn’t have your attention, He will disturb what does.
When I was immersed in the busy-ness of multiple businesses, my parents were preparing the way for my soul. I didn't know that walking past my dad and seeing him read his Bible every day would affect me over those years. I didn't think that my mom's worship music playing in the background, or seeing her pray on her knees each night was doing anything. I didn't imagine that I would have my own encounter with God just a week after legally closing down the entertainment company!🫨. This all happened by HEARING the word of God, seeing how He transformed others around me, and me genuinely asking Him to show me what they saw, because I couldn't understand nor see it.
I read a quote that said, “If you’re not ready to be criticized for your obedience to God, you’re not ready to be used by God”. My parent's obedience created a pathway for MY own freedom, even if I initially criticized it. My dad's actions brought order - the order that our home lacked throughout my childhood was restored. He didn’t do it by condemning me, but by indirectly showing me what it looked like to be obedient. I believe other people's prayers and forgiveness were involved as well. This is why prayer is SO important.
This isn't something I take lightly. I understand that many people may not have a "come to Jesus" moment with their families (while on earth). God takes us all through different paths which will make sense at the right time. For my journey, though, I am thankful to be able to witness my father use his gifts, his love for people and influence for the right Kingdom.
Now regarding our beloved family traditions, we have been finding new ways to enjoy each others company, without engaging in drunkenness or other ways that may cause others to stumble.
🌻 We can love and honor where we come from, but if our traditions cause us to damage our spiritual or physical health, it's not good. Throw it out and start fresh.
Thank you mom and dad, for your work in rebuilding a new foundation. Thank you for restoring order through your obedience. Thank you to my Lion King🦁
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Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.
Blog Posts
S.Z.Eden
August 10, 2023
I attended an Encounter retreat from August 3rd to 5th and it brought my damaged faith to the surface. Talk about ripping the band-aid off!
As a "baby" Christian, I had promised myself that I would not rush anything. I don't want to rush my baptism nor just jump into a church without the Holy Spirit's leading. I want to nurture this budding relationship without any influences that might startle nor discourage me while I learn to walk. I'm aware that my belief is still fragile and in its infancy, and I'm determined to safeguard the seed planted in my heart. So when the opportunity to attend this retreat came up, I hesitated. I thought, "Am I even prepared to be around so many people?" At the same time I thought, "How could I confront my wounds if I keep myself safe from potential triggers?" The truth is that healing on our own terms vs. God's terms looks and feels completely different.
Bruce and I joined 46 others in a 3-day retreat of deliverance workshops and worship sessions. No phones, no distractions—just us, the team from Christian Life Center (CLC), and the Holy Spirit. And let me tell you, we didn't just dip our toes in the water; we dove straight into the deep end. First things first, we heard raw testimonies from the team and pastors about their relationships with their fathers. It hit close to home for many of us. Our earthly dads, with their flaws and all, shape so much of how we view ourselves and others. We learned the similarities and differences between our fathers and our Heavenly Father. The CLC team stood in the gap for each of us by speaking blessings into our lives. We went up one by one to receive loving words from a father figure in the church or in the community. PURE TEARS flooded the room as it was probably the first time hearing such life-giving, identity-forming words for many.
Our next activity was to write a letter to our Heavenly Father. We were encouraged to find anywhere in the room and to take our time with this letter. It was an open room with 'nuff space. Some stayed in their chairs, some sat on the floor and some found a lil corner. I walked around for a while and then finally sat next to the prayer team's table to write my letter. As I wrote the first words, I was interrupted. A prayer team member (let's call her Miss K) said that I could not sit by this table. I didn’t understand the issue. Out of obedience, I got up. She held my arm and moved me to a different area. As we walked, the lead pastor (Pastor Candy) came out of NOWHERE and stopped us in our tracks. Mind you, she was at the front of the room. How did she even get to us lol???. She told me to turn back around. She insisted that I went back to the table to write my letter. Miss K explained herself, but Pastor Candy didn't accept her reasoning. It was SOoooOo awkward! I felt like such a burden for being a part of the first point of tension in the room. I already wanted to leave the retreat at that point. After a few minutes, I decided to push past it and not succumb to my feelings. I finally started my letter, and then the words started to flow. I wrote about that exact experience. With tears starting to well up, I realized that this was my first lesson during Encounter. God wanted me to know that I am WORTHY of having a seat at the table, in other words, His table. Pastor Candy gave me the biggest hug at the end of the first night, and she reaffirmed that I was welcomed there. Little did I know I was only scratching the surface of my rejection wound.
The following day of the retreat was filled with back to back activities. We did a few deliverance workshops where we released many things from the past, within our bloodline and more. I learned so much!! Witnessing all of the transformations from people who had come into the retreat with a hardened, unforgiving heart, was so beautiful. There was a different type of light in their eyes. I must admit, I did feel discouraged that I wasn't feeling the same sense of freedom that they were. A moment that tripped me up was when I realized that although I had opened myself up to the truth of Jesus last year, I never actually spoke out of my mouth that "I am a child of God". For the first time ever, I said it, but I didn't believe it in my heart. I went to an area by myself to pray because I couldn't understand why I felt so much dissonance when speaking those words out loud. One of the prayer leaders (Ms Lyn) saw me and came over. She asked me to say what's on my heart. I started by saying Jesus, you are master of my life. I welcome you fully. I then repeated I am a child of God over and over, and she prayed in agreement for me. My body and face began to twitch! I never experienced that before. Unfortunately, someone came and interrupted us while it was happening. It was at that moment that I realized the attack on my focus and breakthrough was REAL and ACTIVE. This person who interrupted us sat with me and asked what was happening. I explained and she was able to put 2&2 together with me. We came to understand that there was someone in my life that I had looked up to, who has a VERY powerful tongue. That person had labelled me as a counterfeit, a witch, and many other statements over the years. Understanding this gave me the context that I needed in order to break free from the lies spoken over my life and identity once and for all. As someone who struggled with my identity before Christ, I doubted myself for many years and would always overthink my intentions, especially after being misunderstood for so long.
After this talk I sat back down with the rest of the attendees. We were asked to come to the front whenever we were ready to symbolically "nail our worries" to the cross. I watched my partner walk to the front and it brought me to tears. While I thanked God for his breakthrough, I still battled in my mind that I was not worthy enough to be in His presence. I was one of the last people to go to the front. When I did, I was shaking so much, BUT I DID IT!
This is Day 3! After worship and a few more teachings, the last activity on our agenda was to walk through a door, symbolically leaving all the things behind that we didn't want to bring with us on the other side. I took my time to prepare my heart in prayer. There was a new volunteer on this day that kept coming up to me to ask me if I was ready to walk through. I assured her I was okay for now and would go soon. I tried not to feel pressured, but I eventually gave in when the volunteer checked in with me after a 4th time. I knew in my heart I wasn't ready but I kept being pulled out of my time in worship. Tell me WHY as I got to the door, the lock was loose (it was one of those double doors with locks that go into the ceiling).
This meant the door was not staying in place. This didn't happen with anyone else. They were able to walk through and shut the door firmly. I finally spoke up for myself. I told them I wanted the door to fully be SHUT without both doors swinging back and forth when I walk through. While I know it was simply a symbolic activity, I felt in my heart like this one was important for me. So the team member took me to a door that was working well🥳. As I started to pray by this door, someone on the other side opened it and frightened me. I laughed it off, because I was no longer surprised about something like this happening! Why didn't this happen with anyone else???😂 cha. I started praying again from the start. And guess what!? After all of that, I walked through and SLAMMED THE DOOR BEHIND ME!!!!!! On the other side was Pastor Bob, who prayed for me. My experience was far from perfect, but I'm SO THANKFUL for the challenges and pushing through it nonetheless.
Once everyone walked through their door, we were officially done with the retreat! We took photos with our new friends and shared some of our personal experiences before we said our goodbyes. Remember Miss K that told me to move from the table (on the first day)? She stopped me before I left and hugged me tightly and wished me well. We hadn't spoken throughout the entire retreat since that incident. I felt like now my Encounter experience was truly complete. If we left without that genuine moment, everything that was preached throughout those days would've been in vain. We cannot call ourselves children of the One who has forgiven us, if we are unwilling to forgive others. The Holy Spirit did so many things. I didn’t burst out crying or speaking in tongues, but He vindicated me, built my backbone, taught me how to pray against certain strongholds, and restored a relationship with Miss K. all in 2.5 days.
Well.. the journey continues.
Core takeaways:
1. YOU ARE A CHILD OF GOD
2. God commands us to forgive because he knows forgiveness brings peace to our hearts.
3. The power of confession and community can pull us out of the depths of shame and isolation.
4. It's not always about how you feel. It's about being firm in God's truth (while constantly strengthening your faith).
5. Once we are made aware of certain spirits, strongholds, and curses in our lives, we can name them and break free!
6. Stop comparing your walk with others. Be proud of their breakthroughs, while believing in God for yours in due time.
7. The devil is a liar and desperate to keep us from the truth. Press in when the enemy tries to distract or discourage you.
Blog Posts
S.Z.Eden
June 27, 2023
We all know of the story of the Garden of Eden. We understand that Eve was deceived, but let's talk about how subtle that deception was. Whether you are a Bible believing Christian or not, let's open our hearts to the following.
The devil (aka the serpent) asked, "Did God really say: You should not eat of any tree of the garden?" This well crafted question was his way in. When she clarified what God actually said, that they could eat from ANY tree, except that particular one,“for in the day that you eat from it you shall surely die”, the serpent responded, "you will not surely die! For God knows that when you eat from it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.” Well the serpent gave a half truth, and a half truth is a whole lie.
This question and these words spoken to Eve planted the first seed of doubt. The serpent attacked God’s character and Word by twisting it. Yes, it may 'open' our eyes to some things, but blind us to God’s goodness and protection. So is it worth it? These types of subtle questions and confident-sounding statements from the serpent(s) in our lives slither into our consciousness every single day, fostering doubt, curiosity and leading to temptations. Eve took that information, and decided (with her own understanding) that the fruit was good to eat. I know from experience just how cleverly we can justify anything. We create our own truths, rather than leaning on God’s truth. The beautiful and the dangerous thing about belief is that it’s in our nature to want to share it with others. That’s what Eve did as she immediately shared the fruit (and this new knowledge/belief) with Adam. Some of these things may momentarily gratify us, make us feel powerful, seen, understood, at ease, etc..The question we should ALWAYS ask ourselves is, where does this lead me... and whose truth am I heeding? We learn over time that leaning on these false truths does in fact lead to death (as God had said from the very start).
🌻 It’s much easier to deceive someone who doesn’t have a firm foundation, but even people who literally walked alongside God were tricked! We should never think we’re above deception. We are better off always seeking God for confirmation and wisdom.
My grandaunt, Aunt Gleeda Forbes, started a Christian school in the Cayman Islands, which was then purchased by the Seventh Day Adventist mission. Her passion and work was a key foundation to what is now known as Cayman Academy School.
Aunt Gleeda didn't have any kids, but she cared for many. The school quickly grew to around 200 students in just 3 years. While Aunt Gleeda held it down in Cayman, my grandmother (her sister) mama Doris went to live in Cuba with my grandfather, where they had 7 kids (my dad, aunts and uncles). Although mama Doris instilled Christian values in them, they experienced a major curveball when Fidel Castro came into power in 1959. My dad was just 9 years old during this political shift. He can clearly recall that Castro's first order of business was the closing of borders and the closing of the churches. He ordered for Bibles to not be sold (this included taking the Bibles that people already owned away from their homes). The regime was in full effect. The way he controlled the population was to take away their religion, or to corrupt it (just as the serpent corrupted God’s words to Eve). Interestingly, Castro only allowed the spiritualists (santeria) to operate freely at that time, as he likely didn't see them as a threat. He also ensured every household had a television. It was only one channel which broadcasted government news and his speeches for hours without any breaks. The repetitive language and constant fear-mongering became the people's new truth. Indoctrination was at play.
🌻 Two completely different realities divided my family bloodline as Christ was being taught to many kids in Cayman, while the Christian faith was being stifled in Cuba. There is a bright side though: Even if God’s word is stripped away from us as children, there is still hope for reconciliation.
Although my parents didn't follow the santeria traditions while they were living in Cuba, they were surrounded by it until they finally were able to move to Cayman. My dad was in his early 30's when he came to the island. He brought my mom and my sister over shortly after, then I was born in Cayman. They didn't have a strong spiritual foundation coming from Cuba, so I didn't learn about God from them. My aunt Rita (may she rest in peace), was the one who instilled in me, my big sister, and our cousin, the habit of bedtime prayers. I sometimes attended church youth groups with my cousins, but that didn't last long. When I was about 9 years old, I had a really bad accident during one of those youth groups. While playing on a basketball court, my cousin and one of the bigger kids decided to race each other. The boy accidentally ran right into me and I fell back and hit my head on the concrete💥. I immediately [◾blacked out◾]. An ambulance came and my dad followed us to the hospital. So much chaos happened outside of my consciousness, yet I only remember waking up at home in my parent's comfy bed, surrounded by my family's love. That’s all I knew, and that’s all that mattered. On the other hand, this experience traumatized my mom, so I didn't continue going to church after that. I subconsciously learned that the church was not a safe nor relevant space in my life😔.
🌻 Pattern: My dad and I stopped going to church when we were both around 9 years old because of external factors. His was due to political reasons from Fidel Castro’s leadership, and mine was from a traumatic experience, which led to isolation. Many times, our departure from the faith may not even be our decision, but we do have the power and authority to overturn that decision as we grow older!
So what does a child do when they're not connected to the body of Christ? WE EXPLORE. Whenever I wasn't with my family, I just entertained myself. I created many inner worlds via daydreaming and acting out random scenarios. Fast forward to my teenage years and early adulthood - rebellion had consumed me. I searched for my comfort and identity through 2 long-term unhealthy relationships, social media, and new age spirituality. Without guidance, I was undoubtedly following whatever the world offered me, and I also didn't respect any form of authority. I thought I knew best and that “this fruit was good”. I would have never realized how lost I was if I hadn’t called out to God during my most vulnerable moment in 2022. I was actually STILL [◾blacked-out◾], in a different way. So this time I ‘woke up’ in a different way. It was me, my tears, and God in my bedroom. It wasn't my family's love around me as I gained back consciousness, this time I was surrounded by God's love and I’m sure the angels were rejoicing. That’s all I knew, and that’s all that mattered. Although it took my dad 68 years, and it took me 20 years to return to Christ, it also happened with a split-second decision!
🌻 We hold the key. We need to unlock the door from within. Jesus is literally waiting on the other side for us to allow Him in.
We only need the Tree of Life - aka Jesus Christ Himself. I speak from experience that spiritual death is a different type of black-out which will leave us confused and ashamed. But God restores us. Apart from God, we are blind to the foolishness of this world. We are deceived and distracted. When the rulers of darkness try desperately to take you or your children away from THE truth, we must press in through prayer and obedience to God's Word. We need to especially take care of the young and the vulnerable by planting seeds of truth everywhere we go. The reality is these seeds are very likely to be uprooted by the roaming serpents, but if we continue planting them, we can rest in knowing that God makes it grow at the right time!
🌻 To the people who were planting seeds in the garden around me, thank you so much🥹!!! Your obedience provoked my curiosity towards the right direction.
2 Corinthians 3:8 (NLT):
So all of us who have had that veil removed can see and reflect the glory of the Lord. And the Lord—who is the Spirit—makes us more and more like him as we are changed into his glorious image.
Blog Posts
S.Z.Eden
June 18, 2023
Something that deeply affected me for some time is my memory. I stopped speaking about it because I was told that by acknowledging it, I would be making it my reality, or that I shouldn’t say certain things because I haven't been medically diagnosed. I do understand the power of our tongues, but I weakened my intuition by putting a "think positively" band-aid on the issue.
I'm aware that many people can't remember things from their childhood. That's normal. My issue was that I drew a blank for recent experiences, even while looking at photographs. My logical side would always try to make sense of it. I'd think, "Maybe it wasn't important enough in my life”, or “maybe I'm being protected from something..." 😕
There are many instances when I'm with family or friends and they're reminiscing about a moment we shared. I’d often find myself sitting in silence, just trying to remember. I'd say, in my best Caymanian accent, "Well this is news to me!"😂. Sometimes they are so shocked that I don't remember, but they're always willing to fill me in. Bless them!🥰
Some simple memory lapses don't really bother me, such as not remembering much from any school I've been to, nor my teachers' names (except like 3 total). But there was a moment that sent me into a spiral - Feb 2022.. It was when I didn't remember that one of my tios (my uncle) had passed away. I was going through family photos as I usually do, and I couldn't remember the last time I saw him. I avoided asking my mom. I started looking through my family group chat for confirmation. Once I realized he had passed, it hit me HARD because his death DID affect me when it happened! I went to his funeral. I had planned a carnival experience with him in mind as a way to honor him and my family... LIKE!?? I knew I had to confront this.
I went to my room and I CRIED out to God asking Him to help me! Coming from someone who wasn't able to cry for longer than 5 seconds, this was cathartic and unlocked something in me, finally. I genuinely asked God to heal my mind and heart. I declared that I wanted to fully process my experiences and emotions. The work for my soul had begun. During this time-frame, I wrote down “return to Eden" in my notes. 💚 I didn't understand the deeper meaning of that, but I do now.
Researching my family tree was the first thing I was led to do. I met up with many of my aunts and uncles. It was such a blessing for them as well! We got to the roots! Documenting their stories brought me so much joy. I developed a deep appreciation and understanding. Even though I’ll forget the details again, the value lies in us connecting and documenting. As I continue my walk, these conversations expose the areas to renounce, individually and for our bloodline. I get to step into the battlefield on their behalf. I've taken authority over anything that silenced me and prevented me from properly processing what I've experienced, and have now extended this freedom to those around me.
🌻 If you're struggling with your memory, consider journaling. Connect with people you trust to share details without bias, and seek God (tip: seek God first😉). Ask the Lord to align and fill you with His Holy Spirit, so that the spirit of confusion no longer has an entry point into your life. It's an ongoing process.
As I journey back to Eden, I can laugh at my forgetfulness, trusting in God's timing for revelation. Through faith, we rewrite our stories, one memory at a time.
2 Timothy 1:7 (NKJV):
For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.
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As the light of God fills more of an individual, Satan's darkness is progressively driven out. This process of sanctification is ongoing, probably until the day we die. So even though we deal with an issue on one level, years later we may come back and deal with it on an even deeper level. We are healed in layers.
- Prayers that Heal the Heart : Prayer counseling that breaks every yoke by Mark & Patti Virkler
Blog Posts
S.Z.Eden
June 12, 2023
In the words of Chronixx,
"When I look at where I'm coming from, I know I'm blessed."
And in the words of Hulvey,
"& it's a blessing just to think that I can THINK about it"
There's an undeniable magic in reflecting on our lives, whether it's through memories, writing, artwork, photos or videos. As a child, I recall spending hours flipping through the gigantic photo albums tucked away in the china cabinet. My mother, always armed with a camera, ensured every event, family gathering, vacation, or a random Tuesday at home was documented. She didn't skimp on processing camera film. Naturally, her dedication to documenting our lives inspired my own passion for the same.
Checking the archives can be risky sometimes, though. Some moments might be beautiful and cathartic, others may be heavy and triggering. If we're not careful, we get stuck in that time if we don't know when or how to release it. We may also mistakenly think we can erase memories by avoiding them, but they simply linger in another dark and dusty cabinet (in the spirit), until we confront them (and seek deliverance).
My phone notes are currently at 3041 entries, and counting. I document random ideas, dreams, experiences, reflections, quotes, verses, letters to myself, and more. Sharing experiences is vital to our humanity (and even our creativity). There's a different level of freedom that occurs when we genuinely share our light, DESPITE the world's desperate attempts to extinguish it.
I sometimes revisit old notes to gain insight into my growth. Here's a note from 2017 outlining my goals back then. Although some topics still resonate with me, my beliefs have evolved significantly.
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The subtle difference is my intention behind my desires. In 2017, my desire to create a blog likely stemmed from a hurtful season of my life. For a few years I lived in total confusion and I felt so misunderstood. I attempted to find "comfort" through personality tests, astrology, and different systems that made me feel understood (and made me lean on my own understanding). I found temporary relief in those things and thought maybe I could help others as well. What I was seeking was some form of community, but what I needed was guidance and grace.
Fast forward. Last year (October 2022), I asked God to reeeeally search my heart. I prayed for clarity. I was and continue to be humbled beyond measure. I will share my testimony in another post. As someone who was deeply deceived, God's faithfulness took me out of the depths of spiritual death. Being able to reflect on this change brings me so much joy!!!! 🥹 ("It's a blessing just to think that I can think about it").
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“For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart” (Heb. 4:12).
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Blog Posts
S.Z.Eden
May 30, 2023
"For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known."
1 Corinthians 13:12 NIV
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