My Journey Back to God

For most of my life, I looked at Christianity and the Bible as just a religious system rather than the infallible word of God. I’d hear people preach so passionately about how Jesus died for us, but I couldn’t wrap my head around it. I was trying to grasp something eternal with a carnal mind. I couldn’t discern things on that level (1 Cor 2:14); It was a slow, gradual process that ultimately led me to repentance and surrender.

I'm skipping over a lot here, but let's just start from 2022 when it all really shifted. I had fasted in February 2022 for health-related reasons, but little did I know, it was stirring something up in my heart. That was the first time I ugly cried to God about an internal battle I was fighting—my struggles with memory loss. During that fast, the words "Return to Eden" became etched in my heart. I felt led to start working on a family documentary, which eventually grew into creating this brand, "Vitamin Eden." That’s how this blog came to life.

After that fast, I started watching certain videos that challenged my beliefs. Then in October 2022, I closed down my entertainment business and also unexpectedly lost my main business’s office space, so I had time to think in silence. No distractions. No busyness. During that downtime at home, I was watching a sermon, and something tugged at my heart. It wasn’t even anything particularly deep, but it stirred something within me. I remember getting up from the living room and locking myself in my room to pray. I said, "God, I don’t even know what to say or how to pray to you. I feel like I’m always rambling." I was so frustrated! I said, "I want to see what others see and feel what others feel when they talk about Your love." I asked Him to show me how to pray, to help me understand.

And then things got… interesting.

A Wake-Up Call at 6:09

A few days after that prayer, I jolted awake at 6:09AM. Super random. The same thing happened the next morning, but this time, it was because of a dream. I don’t usually remember my dreams, but this one was crystal clear. In the dream, I looked under the bed, and there was a dark figure—an old, bony, emaciated woman, staring back at me. Very creepy. But even in the dream, I didn’t panic. I’ve always been good at staying calm even when I’m scared. So I stared back at it for a couple of seconds, then just stood back up like, “Nope, not today.” I woke up with my heart pounding and immediately checked my phone… 6:09AM again. I turned on the lights, then just laid there in bed watching cartoons lol. At this time in my walk, I didn’t know anything about praying against demonic attacks, so I just continued on with my day.

Then, on the third or fourth morning, I woke up randomly again—no phone notifications and my dogs were fast asleep. I said to myself, "I na even goin look at my phone." I laid there for about five minutes, got angsty, and then decided to check. You guessed it... 6:09AM again!!!! Even in my delay to check, I was hit with the numbers. By this time, I felt the need to Google "Bible 6:09." LOL... please don’t judge my search methods.

Matthew 6:9 was the FIRST thing that popped up. And it read: "This, then, is how you should pray." I dropped my phone like it was hot and just burst out laughing! In that moment, I just knew everything was about to change. God had answered my prayer.

Learning to Speak His Language

Back then, I was into angel numbers, so God knew exactly how to get my attention. But this time, instead of turning to new-age websites for answers, I was led to the Bible. It felt more like a gentle nudge, rather than me trying to force a meaning like I used to. And while I already knew that verse by heart—“Our Father, who art in Heaven…”—there was so much depth to it that day that I’d never seen before. He was showing me that it wasn’t about finding the perfect words to say, but about tuning into the intention, reverence, and honour.

God was showing me how to approach/view Him properly (as MY Father, my Lord) before we could even build a more personal relationship. Like a father disciplining his child, He gave me a structured approach as a starting point—something I’d lacked my whole life. This experience taught me that God is willing to speak to us in a language we understand, but once He has our attention, it’s our turn to learn and speak His language. I think that’s so fair.

I’d been complicating things my whole life, thinking I needed to crack some spiritual formula. But there He was, guiding me back to the basics, right there in His Word. So in January 2023, I bought a new Bible—the NIV translation, one I could actually understand at that time. What a game changer.

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The Journey Continues

It's been an eye-opening and humbling journey over the past couple of years, as I strip away all the labels that I once held on to for my worth. "'As surely as I live,' says the Lord, ‘every knee will bow before me; every tongue shall confess to God." I am thankful to now be able to confess that Jesus is indeed Lord of my life.

I understand, from my own experience, that no amount of pressure, guilt, or shame is going to make someone see the light if they’re not ready. For me, it took fasting, silence, and losing the distractions that kept me busy, but empty. But I never stopped seeking for something greater. I know we all have our own journey, but I urge you, with everything in me, to open your heart. Give God the chance to show you something deeper through His Son, Jesus. Ask Him to help you see what He wants you to see and to attune your heart. It won’t be easy, and there will be moments when it feels like everything is trying to pull you off course. But remember, this journey isn’t just about you—it's about something greater.

If you’re already walking with God, I pray you have a strong support system to encourage you and keep you grounded in Christ. I also pray that you’ll continue planting seeds using the gifts and talents He’s given you. But if you’re still searching (or even running), know this: God hasn’t given up on you. He’s right there, waiting, patient and persistent. It’s still not too late to ask, to seek, to find.

So the journey continues...

Philippians 1:6 AMP - I am convinced and confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will [continue to] perfect and complete it until the day of Christ Jesus.

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_{Self-Reflection Prompts}

1. ^{Do you remember the moment you surrendered to God's guidance? What was that process like and what led to that moment?}
2. ^{When was the last time you felt like something was trying to get your attention—whether it was through a dream, a repeated message, or an unshakeable feeling? Did you lean in and listen, or did you push it aside?}
3. ^{What role does silence play in your spiritual journey? Do you find peace in it, or does it bring discomfort?}
4. ^{If you’re already walking with God, how are you nurturing that relationship? Are there areas where you feel disconnected, and what might you do to bridge that gap? If you’re still seeking, what would it take for you to open your heart and let God reveal Himself to you?}

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