Gut Feelings, Skin Deep: Healing Beyond the Surface

There’s something deeply unsettling about how far we’ll go to "fix" the surface while ignoring the chaos beneath. We see it in weight loss culture, plastic surgeries, and even skin-lightening practices across the Caribbean. It’s all around us—people striving for external perfection while their inner world is unraveling.

For about three years, the mirror was my battlefield. Each time I looked at my reflection, I wasn’t just seeing acne—I was confronting the stress, insecurity, and inner turmoil that manifested on my skin. It was my early 20s, and I felt trapped by my own skin. My acne was just the symptom. The real issue? Internal conflict. Because of this, I avoided the mirror and hid behind Snapchat filters.

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In hindsight, my acne was a powerful teacher on themes of self-worth, confidence and inner beauty. Interestingly, it actually supported me by creating distance from people who weren't healthy for me. Because I didn't have healthy personal boundaries, this 3-year phase forced me to isolate and really look within. I couldn't see it in this way before, because at the time I was just insecure, and focused on trying to fix it.

During this time, I was in a relationship which, on the surface, seemed great, but there were so many blind spots (or pimples all over). The spots were blind to me at least. I was trained to silence my intuition. I had learned to ask fewer and fewer questions because every time I tried to understand something, the distance between us grew. The more I asked, the more confused I became. The facade of a healthy relationship mirrored my fixation of having clear skin. Both were cover-ups for deeper issues that needed to come to the surface.

So what happens when you ignore red flags? You lose parts of yourself little by little. You lose touch with reality. The human body has an incredible way of manifesting what’s happening internally. My gut was already screaming at me, and what did I do? I threw a grenade at it in the form of heavy-duty acne medication—Accutane🫣. Not my greatest decision.

While taking Accutane I developed a hiatal hernia which caused me so much stomach pain, which I'm still healing to this day. My body was waving a white flag, begging me to just stop. Sadly it took that level of physical pain for me to finally listen.

The first step in healing my soul and gut was learning and abiding by the beautiful word, "No." That initial no felt impossible, but also like reclaiming a lost piece of myself. I was holding onto a relationship that didn't want me fully, yet wouldn't fully let me go. I also didn't have the confidence nor clarity to leave on my own, plus my boundaries were constantly challenged, until I really put my foot down. Our last straw was when he'd proposed for us to have an "open relationship". This suggestion came only after I finally had photo evidence of what I had felt in my gut to be true. And honestly, I wasn’t devastated, I was relieved that I actually wasn't crazy. This final "no" ultimately led me to saying "yes" to my mental and emotional health. My gut health followed after. Finally, this was freedom for the both of us. I say both because when you set yourself free, it frees the other person(s) from their dysfunction as well (unless they're a narcissist, which requires a whole different post).

The little voice I had silenced for years had always been there, trying to guide me. It was in the isolation (hiding because of my acne), that I was hit with a taste of the truth of myself and those around me. It was then in my solitude (from the breakup), that I could really hear my conscience again.

Later, with a clearer mind (and a lot of gut pain), I stopped taking the course of Accutane. I also decided to quit birth control, which I had been on since I was 14 due to PCOS. After a decade of hormone-altering medication + about 5 years of a rocky relationship, my body was finally free. No medicinal nor spiritual confusion. To my shock—and my doctor’s—my PCOS cleared up completely within months, without any changes to my diet or exercise. It was a healing I never expected.

^{⚠️ I’m not saying my sudden approach of coming off of medication is for everyone, but there is immense wisdom in returning to the innate intelligence of our bodies. It was the start of rekindling my relationship with my body and mind.🌿}

Wherever you are on your journey, I urge you to really listen. Not to your heart, as it is deceitful, but to that small still voice within. And when you listen, follow through with its divine instructions. Only then will that connection strengthen. When we don't listen, life gets to a point where you have no other choice but to listen. Please don't let that be you. There's so much damage on the other end of that. Healing is messy, but there’s grace in every step. Yes, as a result, we will still spend time recovering physically and mentally from past traumas and bad decisions, but rest in knowing that when you know better, you can do better, and then you can help others who also want to do better. Our experiences aren't just for us.

So overall it was never about my skin; it was about the environment I was in and how I felt within. My skin simply supported the season I was in. I am thankful for the lessons. If you’re in a situation that has blocked your intuition, where you’re constantly second-guessing yourself, I pray you find the strength to break free. Though I didn't seek God in this season, He was still there trying to guide me. Our bodies, and the Holy Spirit who lives in us, are waiting for us to listen. True healing begins not when we see our reflection but when we finally remove the mask we've been hiding behind. Remember to thank your body for supporting you in your journey. It's a blessing to have a body that cares enough to show you that something is wrong within. Listen.

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Father, I come before You, ready to face my reflection, both inside and out. As Your Word says in Psalm 139:14, 'I praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made.' Help me to see myself through Your eyes, with love and compassion. Grant me the clarity and strength to release anything that hinders my growth and my walk with You. Let Your peace guide my heart as I seek healing and wholeness in Your presence. In Jesus' name, Amen.

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Self-Reflection Prompts

1. ^{‍How often do you listen to the signals your gut is sending—whether through physical discomfort or emotional intuition?}
2. ^{Are there relationships in your life that seem healthy on the surface but cause confusion or insecurity deep down? Are you willing to face the hard truth that this is not healthy?}
3. ^{Is there a “No” that you need to say to reclaim your mental and emotional health? What is holding you back from establishing clear boundaries, and how might this “No” lead you closer to God’s peace?‍}
4. ^{Have you ever made decisions that harmed your body (through medication, diet, or lifestyle) because you were too focused on quick fixes? How could you start making decisions that nurture your long-term health, even if they take more time and patience?}