My journey has taught me one undeniable truth: I do not have to tolerate bad behavior.

‍The chronic people-pleaser in me died a while back. However, life has a way of testing how far I’ve come. Every now and again, I cross paths with individuals who wear a superiority complex like a shield, masking deep wounds with false confidence. When we tolerate bad behavior, we risk mirroring it and becoming hypocrites. Romans 12:21 reminds us, "Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good." Our response to negativity should reflect God's goodness, not mirror the hurt we receive. Admittedly, I do still struggle to not "dish it back" whenever I'm disrespected. It's definitely a part of my ongoing sanctification process🫠

Tolerating bad behavior, essentially gives people permission to remain in their dysfunction, thereby harming others who may be more vulnerable than I am.

That's not responsible. That's not love.

I wish these individuals would come to know that they are worthy without having to overpower others or win some invisible battle. I know these coping mechanisms are harder to release. I know theres a deeply wounded child in them, and yet the truth remains: I do not have to tolerate bad behavior.

The Snares of Bitterness

These individuals often use their words like snares, hiding bitterness behind humor. Key behaviors I've consistently witnessed include excessive criticism or sarcasm, manipulation tactics like creating false urgency to pressure others, and attempts to belittle or undermine others in very subtle ways. It's a form of emotional witchcraft, and without strong boundaries, it's dangerously easy to get pulled into their game.

Somewhere along their journey, whether through childhood trauma or abusive relationships, they bought into a dark, nasty lie about their worth. And to that, I say: let that lie go. I'm still burying the lies I've picked up along the way, too. The problem with these nasty lies is they develop into nasty behaviors and, ultimately, create rude/hurtful people.

Love Through Boundaries

The way I love these individuals is by standing firm on my values in public, and praying for them in private. Enabling them or to shrugging them off with, “that’s just how they are”, is not love at all. A recent example of this was when a friend of mine tried to convince me that a particular individual, "is just jokey-jokey" and I don't understand their humor. To which I responded, if being "jokey-jokey" allows a person to degrade or belittle others, I cannot, in good conscience, be in agreement. My dissonance for their behavior will be clear, yet my forgiveness and grace for them is also simultaneously near.

I often wrestle with the reality that God loves even those who mistreat others, even though He doesn’t approve of their actions. His ways really aren't our ways (Isaiah 55:8-9)... we barely know how to truly forgive (as if He hasn't forgiven us). This highlights the depth of God's grace. God calls me to love, but love doesn’t mean enabling. I can love someone, pray for them, and genuinely desire their well-being while still setting boundaries that protect me from their hurtful actions. Boundaries are not barriers to love; they’re acts of wisdom and self-respect, allowing me to honor both myself and God while not becoming a doormat for their sin.

It's a delicate balance: practicing grace without excusing sin, loving without allowing abuse, and remembering that while I’m called to forgive, I am also called to be wise. Loving someone doesn’t mean accepting everything they do—it means seeking what’s best for them and for myself, in light of God’s truth.

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"Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you" (Colossians 3:13).

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This is love.

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Pause for Prayer

Lord, grant me the wisdom to see beyond hurtful behaviors to the wounded hearts beneath. Help me respond with grace and firmness, setting healthy boundaries while still showing Your love. Give me strength to stand firm in my values and the compassion to pray for those who test my patience. May my actions reflect Your love and bring healing to difficult relationships. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.

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Lord, I lift up those [say their names] whose hearts are wounded, who hide behind masks of superiority, sarcasm, and manipulation. You see the pain they carry, and You know the deep roots of their hurt. I ask that You bring healing to their brokenness, revealing the lies they have believed about themselves. Soften their hearts, Lord, and help them to experience Your love in a deeply personal way. May they come to know that they are worthy in Your eyes without needing to control or hurt others. Guide them to release the burdens of their past and find peace in Your truth. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.

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Self-Reflection Prompts

1. ^{Are there relationships in your life where you've tolerated bad behavior out of fear or habit? How has that affected you and others around you?}
2. ^{How can you set healthy boundaries that reflect both grace and firmness in your relationships?}
3. ^{Are there lies you’ve believed about yourself or others that are fueling negative interactions? How can you begin to release those lies and embrace God’s truth?}

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