Wow.

While writing about my 2016 rabbit hole in the last blog post - 🔗view here🔗, I came across these screenshots of when I was away at university [this was 2015].

At the time, I was having consistent panic attacks brought on by confusion, layered on top of academic pressure. The below is what tough love and encouragement looked like to me.

Those types of messages worked.. I graduated with honors, but at what cost? It helped me push through in school, but it didn’t help me heal.

In the previous post, I wrote about how I couldn’t grieve because I was avoiding reality. I didn’t have nor give myself permission to feel. When you don’t yet know what safety feels like, a firm message from someone can feel like passion and pressure can feel like care. Most times, that's really just as far as they can meet you, so the deeper things remain untouched.

Ecclesiastes tells us there is a time to mourn. That implies there are also seasons when mourning cannot yet take place, because the conditions aren’t right.

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PAUSE

If you recognized yourself in the above, pause here with me.

What you experienced was emotional invalidation, even if it wasn't their intention. Your distress was minimized because you've endured a lot in the past, and your strength was emphasized more than your safety. That can help someone function in the short term, but often creates long-term costs.

Over time, this can lead to:

• Self-doubt/lack of self-trust about your emotions/perceptions
• Internalized shame
• Suppressing your needs
• Feeling weak for struggling
• Burnout and delayed healing
  

When you hear “just be stronger” in your head, pause and ask: “What am I feeling right now, and what would actually support me?”

Support might look like:

• Rest instead of pushing
• Talking instead of isolating
• Prayer instead of pressure
• Compassion instead of criticism
  

You are allowed to honor the strength it took to get through your toughest seasons, and still give yourself what you didn’t receive.

Both are true.
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Take it easy, beautiful soul. <3
Carry the awareness of your past forward, and rest in the safety of your Heavenly Father. That’s all that matters now.