Wow.

While writing about my 2016 rabbit hole season in the last blog post - 🔗view here🔗, I came across these screenshots of when I was away at university [this was 2015].

The below is what tough love looked like in my eyes. At the time, I was having consistent panic attacks brought on by confusion, layered on top of academic pressure.

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In the previous post, I wrote that I couldn’t grieve because I was avoiding the reality of what I was going through. That’s true. But I also didn’t have permission to feel. "Think about nothing". Keep moving.

That helped me push through in school, but it didn’t help me heal.

When you don’t yet know what safety feels like, firmness can feel like passion and pressure can feel like care. Sometimes that's as far as someone can meet you, so the deeper things remain untouched.

Ecclesiastes tells us there is a time to mourn. That implies there are also seasons when mourning cannot yet take place, because the conditions aren’t right.

Let that settle. Carry the awareness forward, and rest in the safety of your Heavenly Father. That’s what matters now.

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PAUSE

^{If you recognized yourself in the above, pause here with me.}

^{What you experienced was emotional invalidation, even if it wasn't their intention. Your distress was minimized, and your strength was emphasized more than your safety. That can help someone function in the short term, but often creates long-term costs.}

^{Over time, this can lead to:}

• ^{Self-doubt/lack of self-trust about your emotions/perceptions}
• ^{Internalized shame}
• ^{Suppressing your needs}
• ^{Feeling weak for struggling}
• ^{Burnout and delayed healing}
  

^{None of that means anything is wrong with you. It means your nervous system adapted to pressure. You learned how to survive in an environment that didn’t fully make space for vulnerability.}

^{When you hear “just be stronger” in your head, pause and ask: “What am I feeling right now, and what would actually support me?”}

^{Support might look like:}

• ^{Rest instead of pushing}
• ^{Talking instead of isolating}
• ^{Prayer instead of pressure}
• ^{Compassion instead of criticism}
  

^{You are allowed to honor the strength it took to get through, and still give yourself what you didn’t receive.}

^{Both are true.
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Take it easy, beautiful soul. <3
It really does get so much better.}